


They Won't Steal What Burns In You

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anorexia, Awkwardness, Depression, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M, Overdosing, Self-Hatred, Shyness, Suicide Attempt, Teenagers, The really sad stuff is in the beginning, attempted overdose, hospital therapy, in-patient crisis stabilization, relationships come in later, so i'm not tagging them as ocs either because they're just names of people not in depth characters, the nurse names are nurses that I had while at in-patient, they are not associated with band members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-02 21:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 30,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6582643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody would of thought it would of been Mikey who tried to kill himself. It always had to be Gerard, right? Gerard was the one who openly hated himself, Gerard was the one who-- No, no, no. Mikey too. Mikey hated himself. No one knew except Gerard, only Gerard understood Mikey. He tried to help him, he really did. But enough's enough. He finds himself in a painfully bright white room when he wakes up, the last thing he remembered was a bottle of pills and Gerard crying. He hears a few words from an unfamiliar voice. "... In-patient crisis stabilization center... have his mother sign these... wake him up..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The World's Our Gun, and I've Been Aiming All My Life

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this based off of my own experiences at an in-patient crisis stabilization center. It isn't the same for everyone, this is one person's views on the whole experience. Other that personal opinions and statements that come through Mikey, this is all true to what /most/ in-patients are going to be like. Hold nothing against me if the experience wasn't the same for you.
> 
> Additional note: Title(s) taken from Black Veil Brides songs.

"Goodnight, Mikey!"

"Bye, Gee."

Gerard seemed to think nothing of it, just smiling at Mikey as he headed off to his room. Well, good. But not really good either. It meant he didn't care. Mikey never said 'bye' instead of 'goodnight.' Why didn't even Gerard care about him anymore? 'Because you're terrible,' Mikey thought to himself as he slammed the door to his room shut, locking the door and throwing himself on the bed. He stared up at the ceiling blankly, not even bothering to try and put any pajamas on. He didn't plan on sleeping anyways. Not in the way Gerard thought he was. He sighed, closing his eyes. 'You're awful, it's no wonder nobody likes you. You don't even fucking talk to people, your only friend is your older brother. He doesn't even leave the house and he has more friends than you! Why are you such a fuck up?!' Mikey felt himself start tearing up. Just barely. He took a shaky breath, opening his eyes again to stare at the ceiling once more. It was something better to do than anything else he wanted. Maybe he just wanted to stall the inevitable. He forced himself to sit up, get out of bed. He walked over to the mirror in his room. It was lazily propped against the wall, in a way where he had to stand a certain distance away to see his full body. He looked like a terrible mess, in his opinion. His eyes were too wide and full of fear. His arms and legs too thin. Knees too knobby. Wrists too bony. Hair too long. It wasn't as long as Gerard's though, Mikey's only reached his chin if he straightened it out. His hair was a weird colour, too now that he thought about it. His glasses were kinda weird too, they seemed really out of place. But they fit his face, that's all he cared about. As long as they didn't slide off constantly like his last pair.

The longer Mikey stared at himself the more he fucking hated himself, and that was pretty damn hard to accomplish.

Mikey sighed to himself, trying to ignore the tears staring to pull in his eyes, trying to blink them away, but it just caused them to slowly drip down. Whatever. He hesitated before pulling his shirt off, staring at himself. People always knew he was thin, but now.. You could start visibly seeing his ribs, his hip bones were too visible too. He still wasn't thin enough. Maybe when he was skin and bones he'd be happy. He only ate once or twice a week, and to avoid suspicion at school he always skipped lunch and stayed in the library reading. He said he was doing homework, but he never did homework. He always skipped tests. Sometimes he didn't even go to school. He was failing all of his classes, and his teachers still failed to see something was wrong. Mikey wasn't okay. The overly quiet, too skinny boy in the back of the class who was often seen crying against his older brother wasn't fucking okay. How stupid were they?! Not even his own mother saw something was terribly wrong. He couldn't trust anyone but Gerard anymore. But Gerard.. Just.. If he told Gerard he wanted to kill himself..

Mikey shook his head at his own thoughts, tearing off his grey beanie and throwing it down with his shirt. He stared at his arms now, littered in angry red scars, and faded pink ones. his thighs were worse, because no one can see your thighs if you don't wear shorts. He looked back to the mirror, staring blankly. Pale and thin bare torso, too-tight skinny jeans clinging to his hips and legs, leaving marks, messy hair that probably hadn't been brushed in ages. His eyes were starting to look a little sunken in. It was ridiculous, Mikey could almost laugh. He looked like a stereotypical depressed and anorexic teenager. But he wasn't. Even if your illnesses were categorized as the same, they were very different depending on the person. The only thing separating Mikey's depression from some other peoples, was he was actively suicidal. Of course, many people were too. A lot of people his age, too. Some even younger. At an astounding 14, Mikey already knew he was ready to die and wanted to kill himself. Sure, other people did too. But not everyone actually acted on it. Mikey wasn't anyone special, not a special snowflake, of course not. But his life is about himself, so to him, it was everything about what he did and didn't do, whether others did the same or not. It didn't matter to him anymore, nothing was going right, but yet nothing felt wrong.

Eventually, he couldn't bear to look at himself anymore. He quickly became consumed by his own thoughts, and he began full on sobbing, and it wasn't pretty. He threw himself back onto his bed, burying his face into his pillow to try and muffle the sounds so hopefully no one could hear. The last thing he wanted was his mom or Gerard to be concerned anymore. He just wanted to die thinking no one cared that way it wouldn't matter to him in the first place. He'd feel guilty if he died knowing Gerard actually gave half a shit about him. He didn't wanna let Gerard down like that. (Even though he already was, but he shoved that thought away the best he could.)

Mikey sighed shakily, eventually forcing himself to calm down. He didn't want to die crying, that'd be stupid in his mind. More pathetic than he already was. He rolled over onto his back, clutching his tear-soaked pillow to his chest. Well, now what? He could go to sleep and pretend he's fine for another day, or he could just easily end all of his problems and make everyone else's lives easier. Sounds good. Mikey sat up, leaning against the wall as he did, reaching into his pillow case and pulling out the blade he kept in there. He took it from an otherwise broken pencil sharpener he knew Gerard wouldn't miss about a year ago. If objects could be friends, this piece of metal was Mikey's best friend. He really needed a new one, this one was kinda covered in blood from all of its use.

'I could cut myself,' He thought miserably, turning the blade over in his fingers. 'But bleeding out takes a long time.. I could always try to hang myself, but I don't really wanna have to deal with that.. I don't like the aspect of choking. I-.. Overdose.' Overdose. Yes, that's what he'll do. Mikey shoved the blade back into his pillow case, standing up and grabbing his shirt off the floor, pulling it back on. He'd rather not die shirtless, for unknown personal reasons. He hated looking at himself, so why should other people look at him and see that? After he'd tugged his rather baggy shirt back on, he took a deep breath before leaving his room as quietly as he could. He knew Gerard would be awake, but he'd be down in his basement doing whatever it is that Gerard does. Frankly, Mikey didn't want to know what his older brother did. He smiled a little, shaking his head to himself as he made his way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, and locking it to make sure no one would interrupt him. Physically, anyways. Sighing, he opened the medicine cabinet, looking at all the contents. He had a few options. They had a lot of pills. Why not just mix them all and hope for the best? Yeah, okay. Mikey grabbed the first four bottles he saw and popped them open, dumping about half the contents onto the counter, dropping the bottles into the sink. He took a handful of his mixture, starting at his hands starting to shake. He started crying again. Out of happiness or sadness, he didn't know. But apparently, it caught Gerard's attention, because now here he was, knocking on the door.

"Mikey?"

No response.

"..Mikey?"

..

"Mikey!"

Mikey stared at the door handle as he saw it start rattling as Gerard tried to get inside. He seemed frantic now, his voice was concerned.

"Mikey, please! Are you okay?! Please say something!"

Mikey shook his head, crying harder even though he knew Gerard couldn't see. He just raised the pills to his mouth, swallowing them all as he could, reaching for more to take, going as quick as he could. To hopefully die faster. He didn't wanna deal with this anymore. His vision was fading in and out when Gerard had managed to pick the lock and burst into the bathroom, his eyes widening when he saw his baby brother laying on the floor, pills in his shaking hands, tears spilling out of his eyes. He'd managed to look up at Gerard, and the look in his eyes that Gee saw was absolutely heartbreaking.

"M-Mikey! Please, I-.. Mikey!"

Mikey's eyes slipped shut shortly after he heard Gerard screaming for their mom, and for an ambulance.

"I-I'm sorry.. Gee..."


	2. I Fear I Don't Belong Here

When Mikey woke up, he was in a room that was obnoxiously bright white. He thought maybe he'd died and gone to heaven, but then he remembered he'd be going straight to hell for a majourity of the shit he's said and done. Slowly, he began hearing voices. They seemed calm. "... In-patient crisis stabilization center... have his mother sign these... wake him up..." Mikey was confused, and started to panic. Were they going to lock him up?! Put him in a mental ward?! He wasn't crazy, dammit! He suddenly sat up, his eyes wide in fear. The nurses and doctors around him fell silent as they looked at him. Mikey just stared, rapidly looking from person to person, his breathing pace starting to pick up, and it felt like his chest was caving in, he couldn't do this, whatever the fuck it was that was going to happen, he wanted no part of it. That's all he remembered before he felt a sharp pain in his arm, and it all went black again. Fucking doctors.

\---

He woke up again, this time in a different room. It was light out now, he could tell by the window near him. He had no idea what time it was though, there wasn't a clock in the room. He blinked, slowly sitting up, shivering. The thin blanket he was given was practically useless. He realized he was wearing one of those stupid blue hospital gowns, and nothing else. Not even boxers. Ew. He shook his head, sighing. Upon looking around the room more, he saw it was pretty small, and nothing like where he'd been in before. The door was open. There was a bathroom, and that door was open too, so he could see inside of it. There was a sink with a mirror, a toilet, and what as probably a shower. He couldn't see much else from his bed. The floor was carpeted, and it was an ugly grey colour. Except the bathroom, it was white tiled. He had a desk in the left corner by the windows, a rather uncomfortable looking heavy blue chair in front of it. Why he'd need that, he didn't know. But there was a composition notebook and a pen in the corner where the desk met the wall, so maybe they thought he'd be writing. Maybe he'd take up on that. There was some type of couch-like thing next to it, it was a navy blue colour. It didn't look very comfortable. He looked up. The ceiling was beige-white. Ew. Where the fuck was he?

He slowly got out of bed, shaking a little. From fear, maybe. He stepped out into the hallway, and looked to the right. There was a room next to his, door also open, Nobody was in there, but someone was definitely using it. At the end of a hall was a heavy closed door, probably locked. He didn't know where it led. To the left, was another hallway. There were about four more rooms identical to his, doors all open. On the other side of that hall was what he guessed was a nurses' station. One of them noticed his confusion, and got up from her place to go over to him.

"Hi! I'm Katie, one of the nurses that works the day shift here. You're Michael, right?"

Mikey only nodded, staring wide eyed at the nurse before him. She was slightly blurry, he didn't have his glasses. Must of been taken to wherever the fuck his clothes went. Bastards.

"You got here last night, yeah? C'mon, let's go to the community room. It's where you'll be spending a majourity of your time. Therapy and visiting hours take place there, and you're also able to spend your free time in the room. During free time and Quiet Time you're allowed to leave the room to go back to your own room. Not everyone's up right now, but let's get you acquainted with who's here, okay?"

Mikey just nodded, letting himself be pulled by Nurse Katie into the so-called community room. There was only three people there, so at least he wouldn't have to suddenly introduce himself to a shit load of people. They were all wearing normal clothes, no fucking fair.

"You'll be getting clothes from home soon," Katie explained, and Mikey nodded in understanding. "Your brother brought over some of your things, we just have to check them over and get rid of anything that may be a hazard to your safety or anyone else's." Mikey snorted, but nodded again.

He looked back to the three other people in the room. One of them was sitting at the table in the center of the room, watching TV. Teen Titans was on. He had a remote next to him, so at least there was the freedom to choose what you wanted to watch. This guy had really weird hair, if Mikey had to say so. The sides where bleached blonde but the black roots were starting to come in, and it was kind of like a deflated black mohawk on top. He had his lip and nose pierced, and seemed disinterested with what was on TV.

"This is Frank," Katie said, gesturing to the mohawk guy. Frank glanced away at hearing his name, tilting his head as he saw Mikey, his eyes widening a little in curiosity. He grinned. "He's probably one of our most hyperactive patients here, but he's really nice, don't worry." Mikey nodded, in response to Katie, and to Frank. "Frank, this is Michael." Frank nodded again, turning his attention back to the TV. He'd talk to that new kid when that preppy ass bitch nurse left.

Katie tugged Mikey to the back of the room now, to where two people were sitting together almost silently, working on a puzzle together at a back table. One of them had obviously straightened black hair, and eyeliner? Makeup was allowed? Well, okay then. The boy that emo guy was with had shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair and sideburns. He had glasses by the looks of it.

"This is Pete and Patrick. You probably won't be hearing much from Patrick, he's really shy." The boy with the longer hair looked up upon hearing his name. He looked at Mikey and smiled sweetly, and Mikey gave a small smile back. " Pete is.. Certainly something. Good luck." The emo guy grinned up at Mikey, winking over-dramatically. Fucking weirdo. "Pete, Patrick, this is Michael. " They both nodded and went back to their puzzle. Mikey didn't know why he didn't correct the nurse by saying he preferred being called Mikey, but whatever. What next? Death?

"Okay. So, a few rules we have here. No going into anyone else's rooms, no physical contact, no giving out personal information other than your name and age. The bathrooms are locked at night, but if you need to go you may come to the nurses' station and ask one of us to ask us to unlock it for you and we will. You can use the phone to call family only from 9am to 10pm, and visiting hours are 8pm to 9pm. Family only. If you need someone to talk to at anytime, tell one of us and we'll get you your case therapist. Her name is Colleen. Any questions?"

Mikey shook his head, and Katie smiled. She may have been about to say something else, when another nurse came, carrying a brown bag full of what was probably clothes. She set the bag down on the table, pulling Mikey's glasses out and handing them to him, and he took them gratefully, pushing them on and mumbling a small 'thank you.'

"We've gone through everything your brother brought for you, and everything here is fine. The sweatshirt he brought though, we had to cut the strings off of. Other than that, everything is okay. You can change in the bathroom in your room and come back here when you're ready. Group therapy starts in ten minutes."

Mikey nodded, grabbing his bag and rushing back to his room. He shut the bathroom door quickly dropping the bag onto the floor. He sat next to it, pulling his knees to his chest. This is in-patient, he realized. This is where he was going to live for God knows how long. And there was no Gerard here to comfort him! He wanted to cry. He knew he couldn't. He had to be strong. For Gee. And he could call Gee anytime he wanted if he needed him, and surely Gerard would come visit him. That calmed him down. He sighed, looking through what Gerard had decided to give him, Mostly skinny jeans and band shirts, and thank the Lord he brought him fucking underwear, Mikey pulled that on immediately with a random pair of jeans. He pulled out a random band shirt. It was really faded, but he was guessing it was an Anthrax shirt, He searched around for the hoodie the nurse mentioned, just wanting to cover up as much as possible. When he pulled it out, he wanted to cry all over again. It was one of Gerard's. He hugged it to his chest, sniffling and burying his face in it. It still smelled like him. He reluctantly let go of it, so he could pull it on. He automatically felt better. He looked into the mirror, staring at himself. His hair was a mess. 'Just like my life,' he thought, grinning to himself. He grabbed the bag, leaving the bathroom. He set the bag down by the weird couch-thing. He ran his fingers through his hair as he went back to the community room, sitting in one of the chairs in the corner, not noticing a few other patients starting to filter in, hugging his knees to his chest, just waiting for this hell to be over.


	3. A Judge of Fear, A Judge of Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ray time! Also, actual age gaps are not in place for the most part due to in-patient ages ranging from 13-17.

"Alright, everyone! My name is Sharon, and I'll be your group therapy leader for today! Let's have you all go around and say your name, age, and why you're here, alright?"

Everyone noticeably groaned, and Mikey just blinked. They must have to do this often, he could see how it gets annoying, then. They were all sitting in a circle, having moved all the chairs in the room to do so.

"Who wants to start?"

Emo guy from earlier shrugged and raised his hand. Was his name Pete? "I'm Pete, I'm 16, and I'm here for a tryna overdose on some shit." Yeah, Pete.

"Don't swear, Pete."

"Sorry."

"Thank you. Alright, next."

Next was Patrick. He looked at Pete, his eyes wide. "That's Patrick, he's 13, and he's here because he's gone mute and stuff, and for attempted suicide." Patrick nodded affirmatively, and Mikey frowned. The poor fucking kid.

"I'm Ryan.. I'm 13, and, um.. I'm here for a suicide attempt and anorexia." Ryan looked down. His hair was wavy and brown, and he was kinda pale. Thin like Mikey.

"I'm Brendon, I'm 13, and I'm here 'cause my parents don't like me, and I tried to kill myself." Brendon's hair was similar to Ryan's, but straight and almost a black colour. Mikey could already tell Brendon was probably another Pete, and- shit, it was Mikey's turn now.

"... I-I'm Mikey.. I'm 14.. I'm here for a suicide attempt, anorexia, depression, anxiety, and self harm.." He figured he might as well say it all. Might get him out faster if he's honest. Brendon and Ryan frowned, feeling bad for Mikey. The kid next to Mikey seemed to feel really bad too. Mikey looked over at him when he spoke.

"I'm Ray, I'm 17, I'm here for self harm, suicidal audiations, and depression."

Mikey stared at Ray, really taking him in. His hair was certainly something. Ray's voice didn't match up with his body, he looked intimidating, but he had the sweetest voice ever. He was wearing a Megadeth shirt, and with that, Mikey knew this guy was his new friend. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably.

Ray caught Mikey staring, and he smiled at him sweetly, causing Mikey to blush deeply and look away. He was more than embarrassed about being caught staring. But damn, Ray was cute.

"I'm Frank, I'm 13, I'm here for alcohol and drug abuse." Frank shrugged.

Mikey crossed his arms, staring at the ground as Sharon started talking about "ways to cope with depression." No one else seemed to care either, so whatever.  
\--

Group therapy lasted an hour. Mikey knew because of the clock in the community room. Now, they had two hours of free time until 11am therapy. Mikey considered going back to his room to sleep, or maybe to write. But he saw that Ray didn't get up to leave. Only Brendon and Patrick left. Guess it really was a choice to leave or stay. Frank turned the TV back on, and this time American Horror Story was on. This caught Ryan, Pete, Ray, and Mikey's attention. They all moved their chairs to Frank's table so they could all watch the show. It was from the first season, Murder House. The nurses walking by didn't seem to pay much attention to it, because if it bothered anyone they'd just leave. Mikey ended up sitting by Ray, which he was very happy about. He really wanted to know more about him, but right now, AHS was his first priority.  
\--

Somehow, during the episode, Mikey had managed to curl into Ray's side, shaking a little from fear. He wasn't terrified, he loved horror. But it was unsettling. He didn't even notice until Ray put an arm around him after the episode ended. Mikey squeaked, squirming away rather awkwardly,blushing deeply once more.

"I-I'm sorry.."

"Hey, it's okay! I don't mind. It's been a while since I've actually touched someone else. Stupid rules and all that."

Mikey nodded in understanding.

"And yeah, I'm Ray. Mikey, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"... Why what?"

"Why'd you do it?"

Oh.

"Because I'm awful, and no one likes me other than my brother. I'm really fucking ugly too, and I'm fat--"

"Mikey! Who told you that?!"

"I told myself."

"Mikey.."

"Who the fuck are you to talk?! You're here too! You can shut the hell up, hypocrite!"

Ray stared at Mikey, his eyes widening slightly. Mikey really didn't mean to snap, but he and Ray both knew that he was right. The others in the room fell silent too, just staring at Mikey. New kids usually were silent. But Mikey couldn't help but get defensive, he was really sensitive and just.. He glanced around the room before standing up and promptly leaving, heading back to his room. Doors weren't allowed to close, so he just locked himself in his bathroom, sitting on the floor and crying. This was ridiculous, not even half a day in and he couldn't handle himself well enough to have a sane conversation.  
\--

One of the nurses had tried to get Mikey to come out for the next group therapy session. He wouldn't budge. But they did keep coming over to check on him and make sure he was okay, if he wanted some water, did he want to call home, did he want to talk to his therapist. His answer was always "No, I'm fine."

He skipped lunch, too, and everyone was getting really worried. Ray especially, and he really wanted to apologize. Mikey was too young for everything he'd been going through. Of course, Brendon, Ryan, and Patrick were younger, but that didn't invalidate Mikey's issues.

Mikey tried to skip the third therapy for the day. But the nurses forced him to leave. They had to literally drag him. He was crying hysterically, and Patrick and Ray seemed really concerned. Patrick left his normal seat by Pete (which surprised everyone) to sit by Mikey, looking up at him silently, his eyes wide but worried. Mikey just shook his head in response, looking away. By doing so, he ended up catching Ray's gaze, and he immediately looked down at his lap instead. This was going to be a really, really long day.


	4. So Here I Write My Lullaby

Mikey and Patrick ended up sitting together throughout the next therapy session. Their therapist didn't seem to mind whenever Patrick would put his hand on Mikey's thigh, or hold his hand, because it was keeping Mikey calm. And every time Mikey tensed up or looked aggitated, Patrick would squeeze his hand and press into his side, to try and remind him it was okay, he was safe here. Really, Mikey appreciated it.

Patrick even stayed by Mikey up until Quiet Time. In which they were all required to go back to their rooms. Mikey appreciated that a lot. And apparently, Ray had the room right next to his. Great. After Patrick had dropped Mikey off at his room, Mikey was staring at Ray. Neither of them were actually going into their rooms, just staring eachother outside the doors.

"Mikey, I-"

"Save it."

"I just... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-... I don't know.. You were right."

"Okay." With that, Mikey turned and went into his room, laying back in bed and curling under his blanket to fall asleep.  
\--

Not surprisingly, it was Patrick who woke Mikey up for therapy again. Since he couldn't speak, he just threw things at him until he woke up. It was actually pretty funny to watch. Frank and Brendon thought it was the best thing to ever exist since weed.

They had music therapy for the last group session of the day. Basically if it was a school-appropriate song, you could request to play it.

There was a lot of David Bowie requests.

Mikey'd mumbled out a few Anthrax and Metallica songs he wanted. 

It wasn't anything strange or great, just a bunch of depressed kids listening to eachother's music and talking. Well, Mikey and Patrick weren't talking. They were working on that one puzzle with Pete. They'd lost the box, so they didn't have a referance picture. Oh well.

Mikey kept glancing up to stare at Ray. Ray was talking with Frank, the biggest smile on his face, occasionally laughing at something said. Ray really did seem nice, Mikey hadn't given him the proper chance to prove it. Hell, he even apologized for something he didn't do wrong! Mikey sighed to himself, running a hand through his hair, forcing his fingers through a knot, wincing slightly at the pain.

"Hey, uh, Mikey?" Mikey recognized it as Pete's voice.

Mikey turned to stare at him blankly. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

"I'm fucking fine!"

"Okay, okay! Jeez! Sorry for giving a shit!"

Mikey winced, immediately curling into himself, knees to his chest. He pressed his face to his knees, starting to cry into them, as well as hypervenilate. It was a terrible mix, he could barely breathe while crying anyway. Patrick stared at Mikey, hesitantly pulling him into a hug, hoping that would help him relax. It did the opposite.

"Don't touch me!" Mikey shrieked, shoving Patrick away. He just got up and ran off back to his room, not caring about the stupid therapy anymore. He went straight back to bed, and he fell asleep crying. He didn't even go to dinner.  
\--

"Mikey."

...

"Mikeeeey."

...

"Mikey!"

Mikey whined, rolling over to see who it was. It was Gerard..?

"Gee!" He immediately scrambled out of bed and ran out into the hallway to Gerard, hugging him tightly and crying into his chest. Gerard frowned at his brother's obvious distress, sighing sadly as he rubbed small circles into his back.

"It's okay, Mikey, I'm here now.. Everything's gonna be okay.. Let's go to the group room, okay? That's where you're supposed to be."

Mikey nodded, sniffling as he held Gerard tighter, jumping up slightly as a hint he wanted to be picked up, and Gerard complied, carrying Mikey back to the group room. A lot of parents were there with their kids, so it wasn't weird to see a kid and his brother. Gerard took Mikey back to a corner for them to be sort of alone together. Gee knew Mikey was always his best when they were alone together.

"Are you okay, Mikes?"

"I-... No.. I wanna go home, Gee, I hate it here. I don't belong here."

"I know, Mikey, I know.. Mom and I really tried to fight to keep you out of here, just have you come home but.."

"It's okay, Gee."

Gerard nodded, pulling Mikey into another hug. Gerard's scent was the most comforting thing to Mikey, he never wanted to let him go.

"I wrote something for you."

"A story..?"

"No, a song I guess. It doesn't have a title yet but I thought you'd like it."

Mikey nodded, taking the folded paper and shoving it in the pocket of his sweatshirt. He'd read it before he went to sleep.

It was silent for a while between the two, just the sounds of the others talking. And Mikey found himself staring at Ray again. He didn't have anyone come for him. Neither did Ryan, so they were talking together. Mikey sighed. He really needed to apologize. Whether they became friends afterwards or not, he knew he had to. God fuck.

Gerard saw him staring this time, which was much less embarrassing than being caught staring by who you're staring at.

"Who're you lookin' at?" Gerard knew Mikey was gay, and he always loved teasing him for it.

"Shut it." Mikey rolled his eyes. "Nobody."

"Unless you're forgetting that afro man and vampire-hippie kid exist over there.."

"They have names."

"I wouldn't know them!"

"Ray and Ryan."

"Ray and Ryan?"

"Ray and Ryan. Ray has the afro, Ryan's the pale guy."

"Oh. Sweet. You friends with them or something? If you wanna go talk to them you can."

"I'm not anyone's friend." That was a lie. He had Patrick. Wherever he was.

"If you say so... Hey, is something bothering you? You feel off."

"I fucked up."

"How so?"

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"Mikey."

"Gerard."

"I can do this all night."

"You don't have all night."

"Ugh."

Mikey grinned, cuddling into Gerard's side. He didn't want to think about anyone or anything else right now. All that mattered was that he had Gerard all to himself for a little while.


	5. Here We Come, Holding Onto Life

Today's first morning group therapy was about stress management. Still, nobody cared about it. No one seemed to be paying attention ever, really, except for the one time in music therapy, where they were all rushing to get requests in. It was more than a little lame in Mikey's opinion, and Patrick said (he writes in a composition book for people to see what he has to say) it only gets more boring as the week goes on. Mikey internally groaned, putting his head in his hands and staring at the white of the table he and the others were sitting at, as some random therapist he forgot the name of was speaking. At some point he'd handed out a paper listed with ways to manage stress and shit, but Mikey couldn't care less. He wasn't stressed, he just wanted to go home.  
\--

Today during free time, Mikey was sitting with Patrick and Pete again. They’d finished their puzzle by now, and they had nothing better to do right now. There were no other puzzles to work on, no books to read. Mikey was just staring at Ray again, while Pete stared at Mikey. It was kinda creepy, honestly. Patrick just shook his head, sighing softly to himself, and it was the first thing that was relative to a sound Mikey'd ever heard from Patrick. It was barely audible, but it was something. Maybe his voice would sound similar. He sighed, himself, again, his gaze on Ray unwavering.

"Mikey. Dude. "

".. What?"

"Stop starin' at Ray, it's kinda creepy."

"I'm not staring."

"Bullshit! You wanna talk to him so badly? Okay! Hey, Ray!" Pete called out to Ray, grinning and waving him over. He smiled wickedly at Mikey when Ray made his way over, smiling and sitting across from the other three.

"Hey guys! What's up?"

"Mikey wants to talk to you."

Mikey scoffed. "No I don't! I'm not the one who made him come over here."

"Stop being so bitter and make friends!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

Ray shook his head, looking down at his lap. "Mikey, can I talk to you, though..? In the hallway?" While not doing therapy or during Quiet Time, you were allowed to sit in the hallways on the mini-benches outside the community room. Mikey sighed, reluctantly nodding and standing with Ray, following him out and sitting next to him. The nurses' station was nearby, so he couldn't touch him. Mikey didn't mind all that much, he really didn't want to have to make things more awkward than they already were.

"Hey," Ray said softly, tilting his head to the side slightly, causing his curls to fall in front of his face. "Are you okay?"

Mikey just looked down at his lap, pushing up his glasses before fidgeting with the bottom of the sweatshirt he still had from Gerard. He slept with it on to comfort himself. "Yeah."

Ray frowned. "Yesterday-"

"Yesterday was yesterday, today is today."

"I-... Yeah, I guess so."

"Yeah." Mikey nodded.

"I-.."

"You what..?"

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you!" Mikey blurted out, his head snapping up to look at Ray, their eyes meeting. Mikey's eyes were wide and fearful, more so than usual. "I really didn't mean to, you didn't deserve it, you were just worried I guess.. I'm s-"

"It's okay," Ray hushed Mikey, shaking his head and smiling a little. "You were right. I really can't be one to talk, I'm here for the same reason."

Mikey nodded, looking back down at his lap, picking at a loose thread on his jeans. "Okay," He whispered out.

Ray smiled wider, glancing around to make sure no one was looking before he pulled Mikey into a quick hug. And Mikey hugged back instantly, nuzzling his face into Ray's neck. It wasn't the same as hugging Gerard, and never would be, but it was comforting. Ray was taller than Mikey, which meant Mikey could fold himself into him more for a warmer, tighter embrace, something he couldn't really get from Gerard. He liked it though, he decided. They both smiled at each other as they pulled away.

"Friends?" Mikey asked hopefully, tilting his head to the side.

Ray nodded. "Friends."

Mikey sighed, pressing into Ray's side, not caring if one of the nurses or therapists scolded him for it. He just wanted to touch. And maybe Gerard would like Ray too, and they could be friends once he and Mikey got out in in-patient. Mikey had no idea how long Ray'd been here, he could be discharged at any day. Mikey frowned with that realization, shifting away to look at Ray.

"How long have you been here?"

"Hm? Oh, um.. About four days."

He wasn't here that long, so surely they would be discharged around the same time. Mikey just nodded.

"Okay."  
\--

Their next therapy was weird. Well, not weird in the topic they covered, but weird in the 'activity' they did that went along with it. Their therapist's name was Mark, and he was telling them all about how to ignore rude comments and name-calling. It was a touchy subject on a few of them, Mikey included, and Mikey could tell from how uncomfortably a few of the others looked. Squirming around, fidgeting, looking at their laps.

This was the activity they ended up having to do:

One person sits at the head of the table, facing away from everyone else, pretending to be the captain of a ship trying to get to an island. Everyone else sits behind them, and pretends to be the demons inside the captain's head, telling them they couldn't do it, and they were worthless and stuff. Basically, you could insult them however you wanted. It was supposed to be funny, according to Mark.

Ray was forced to be 'captain' first. Mikey never said a word, he could see how upset Ray was, it was obvious, that Mark guy was just a fucking idiot. Pete was next, and Ray and Mikey were both silent as they sat together with Patrick as far away from the others as they could. Patrick looked over at them both, rolling his eyes and making a few gestures to show his displeasure, and Mikey and Ray nodded somberly in agreement.

"Hey, Ray?" Mikey whispered out, not wanting to draw attention to them and get yelled at for not paying attention or something. "Ignore all that, okay? It's just a stupid, cruel game, none of it is true. I haven't known you that long, but I know you're really great, and I bet you're full of potential."

Ray nodded, staring at his lap for a moment before looking up to Mikey, smiling a little. "Okay, I can try. Don't listen to them either, okay? Those voices inside your head. They're pieces of shit that mean absolutely nothing. If you don't mean anything to them, they don't mean anything to you."

Mikey thought for a moment, before he nodded. "Okay."  
\--

Mikey went to lunch that day. But he didn't eat anything. Just watched everyone else eat. Frank and Ryan had offered to share what they had, but Mikey declined their offers. It got a few frowns in response, but Mikey didn't care. He just wasn't hungry. He promised everyone he'd eat dinner though, and they planned to hold that to him. Mikey sat with Ray throughout the hour they had for lunch though. Tried to get to know each other the best they could without giving out 'personal information,' because they were being watched by some cranky old lady who quite frankly looked like she was on her deathbed. Why was she even still working, let alone standing? Ugh, whatever, Mikey's learned really quick not to question this place. But anyway, it turns out he and Ray have a lot in common. Have a similar music taste, loves horror and comics, can play instruments. Well, Mikey was just starting to learn bass, but Ray assured him it still counted. This friendship would definitely work out, as long as Mikey didn't snap anymore, but he was figuring out how to control himself. Not from the crap therapy programs that didn't help for shit, but he was teaching himself to appear fine, that way he could try to get out faster. But at the same time, he didn't want to have to leave Ray and Patrick. But hey, he was going to make the best of the crappy situation. He had friends now. He could talk to Gerard every day, and he could see Gerard (hopefully) every night. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Mikey smiled at Ray and Patrick, who where sitting beside him.


	6. Who Will Tell the Story of Your Life?

It was free time right now, about an hour before visiting hours. Mikey was really hoping Gerard would come again, or maybe his mom. But regardless, everyone was sitting together, crowded around the table in front of the TV. A little suspiciously, Brendon and Ryan were holding hands. But hey, Pete said that crap was normal, and no one here was homophobic anyway. They were all a little gay.

Speaking of Pete, he wasn't really watching whatever weird ass show was on TV. Patrick wasn't either, he was watching Pete write. Patrick had mentioned Pete wrote poetry sometimes, and that he was really good, but he'd never let Mikey see any if he asked. It wasn't a big deal though. Pete didn't seem to mind when Mikey leaned over to watch him write, though. He couldn't make out full phrases or sentances from his angle, but the snippits he saw were very well written, and Patrick seemed to approve, making a few gestures of approval to try and encourage Pete to keep going. Mikey sighed, moving back to watch what was on TV again, whatever it was. It was some weird cartoon, he didn't know the name of it, or who the characters were. But he knew that one of them had a british accent, one had purple hair, one was a stick up the ass, and one always had on a star shirt. It wasn't very interesting to Mikey, but Brendon, Frank, and Ryan seemed pretty entertained. That Frank guy was really weird, Mikey hummed softly to himself. He looked really punk and violent even, but he was similar to Brendon in the sense he was childish, similar to Pete in means of being deep and thoughtful (at times), and similar to Ray in which he was basically always smiling. He kind of reminded him of Gerard at times, from what he was gathering about Frank now. They didn't talk much, but he seemed like a really cool guy from what he knew. Gerard might like him. If Frank's mom didn't come tonight, then he could introduce Gerard to both Frank and Ray. Exciting. Mikey rolled his eyes.  
\--

Mikey had fallen asleep in the community room some time before visiting hours started, but no one had woken him up. When he did wake up, he was in Gerard's arms, and a few other parents/siblings were with their kids/brothers. Mikey smiled up at Gerard sleepily, nuzzling him gently before squirming away to stretch and sit next to him.

"Hey, Gee. Sorry I fell asleep. TV got boring."

"Don't blame you. Anything new goin' on? It doesn't seem very fun here."

"Ugh, I hate it. I have friends now, though, I guess."

"That's awesome!" Gerard smiled, always eager to be supportive of his brother. "Who?"

"Ray, Frank, Patrick, and Pete." Yeah, he counted Frank and Pete as his friends. He spoke to them more than he did to Brendon and Ryan, so he figured that must count. Probably.

Gerard nodded, giving Mikey a side hug. "Sweet. When do I get to meet them?"

Mikey shrugged. "Dunno. I can see if one of them wants to talk to you." He looked around the room quickly to see who didn't look busy with parents or something. By the looks of it, he could get ahold of Patrick and Frank. "Hold on, Gee." Mikey then stood, going over to Frank and Patrick each, asking them if they wanted to meet his brother. They both said yes, with a smile from Patrick, and he led them back to Gerard, who grinned at the three before him.

"Bunch of shorties you've got here."

"Shut it! This is Patrick," Mikey gestured to him, and Patrick gave a smile and a wave to Gerard. "And this is Frank. He's the son of Satan." Frank grinned, winking at Gerard, causing Gee to blush deeply, looking away immediately to Mikey and Patrick.

"Patrick's mute, so it's easier to ask him yes or no questions unless he has his notebook," Mikey added, and Patrick nodded in confirmation, lifting his hands slightly to show he didn't have said book currently. Gerard nodded slowly, not wanting to ask further, he knew it wasn't his business.

Gerard looked to Frank again, and Frank stared right back.  
\--

Mikey accidentally slept through the first group therapy the next day. No one cared when he showed up to the community room during free time, they just smiled at him and continued with what they were doing. Ryan was writing, and Brendon was humming. Pete was writing, Patrick was reading. Frank was asleep, curled up in the corner in one of the chairs. Ray was watching TV. Spongebob was on. Mikey took a seat next to Ray, looking down at his lap, fidgeting nervously. He didn't know why he was nervous, he had no reason to be. Maybe he was just a little shaken by having accidentally skippped therapy. Not that he even wanted to go, but y'know. Mikey looked up at Ray, just staring at the side of his face he could see. He didn't know why, but he really felt drawn to him. And they hadn't even known each other even /half/ a week. Well, when you live in the same cramped place with a group of people you get to know them pretty damn well pretty damn fast, Mikey supposed.

"Ray?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?"

"Oh, uh.. I was diagnosed with M.D.D. a few years back, and I've been self harming a lot because of it. My parents didn't really understand what was going on with me, and they didn't really care I guess, not until I told them I was going to actually kill myself. They took me to the E.R. before I could even leave the room they were in, and they put me here at in-patient. Keep me safe or some shit."

Mikey frowned. "Oh.. Shit, man, I'm really sorry.. You're better than this, you know. I don't have to know you your whole life to know that, too."

Ray shrugged. "Thanks, I guess. Er... What about you?"

Mikey just shook his head.


	7. I Can Take This Pen, And Teach You How to Live

Mikey didn't know why he didn't tell Ray what actually brought him there to in-patient. He really did trust him, and it was evident that Ray trusted him, too. But if there was one thing Mikey hated, it was pity.  
\--

Everyone was more talkative at lunch today; they didn't have a supervisor today so they could say whatever they wanted without being scolded or something. Pete was talking about what it was like back home for him, and Patrick was nodding furiously. They must have lived near each other, in that case. It was obvious Brendon and Ryan knew each other outside of this place, but they kind of kept to themselves, didn't talk much to anyone else. If they did speak, it was to Patrick. Weird little guys, those two were. Talented though.

Apparently, Pete and Patrick had these two friends named Andy and Joe. Gerard knew someone named Andy, Mikey remembered, but he highly doubted it was the same person.

"Andy who?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Andy Hurley. He's wicked on drums," Pete answered with a grin. Ah. Not the same Andy. The Andy that Gerard (and technically Mikey, too) knew was Andy Biersack or something. He was this really weird scene kid, but boy could that guy scream.

Mikey just nodded, taking a bit from the food he was sharing with Ray. Neither of them really knew what it was, but it was food, so they couldn't complain since they weren't being starved. Ray was a little surprised when Mikey'd said okay to sharing, but he was happy to his friend actually eating right now.

"You know him?" Ray asked, looking to Mikey now.

Mikey shook his head. "Nah. My brother knows someone named Andy, I thought it was the same person."

Patrick's eyes practically lit up, and he scrambled for his notebook, quickly writing something in it and shoving the notebook towards Mikey. The handwriting was awful, but it was written fast. 'Andy Biersack?' Mikey read, grinning and looking up with a nod. "Yeah, that's him. Guessing you're friends?" Patrick nodded with a satisfied smile. Surprising, but hey, there was a lot he didn't know about the guy.

Pete grabbed the notebook back for Patrick, who gave a smile of thanks, shutting the book and holding it to his chest, pencil behind his ear.

"The other guy's name was Joe, you said?" Surprisingly, Brendon asked, curiosity taking the best of him.

Patrick and Pete both nodded. "Yeah, Joe. He's got wicked hair. Not as great as Ray's though, not by a long-shot. He's Patrick's--"  
Patrick glared at Pete, shoving a hand over his mouth to force him to shut up. Pete just laughed, pushing Patrick's hand away. "We're all really close friends. Patrick here adores me!" Patrick rolled his eyes.

Mikey couldn't help but laugh. Those two were ridiculous. He shook his head, running a hand through his hair and watching them otherwise silently. It wasn't all that bad here, but the therapy was shit, it didn't help for crap. Ugh. Whatever, at least it was only four times a day with breaks in between, that was a good thing.

"How about you guys?" Ryan asked, looking to Ray, Mikey, and Frank, who were pretty silent as usual anyways.

Frank shrugged, "Lotta shit. I don't remember most of it, I've been here so long. The bits I do remember I was too fuckin' drunk or high as shit to fully understand. I was really popular in school though, since I had all the booze and weed. My ma fuckin' hated me though. " He grinned, shrugging again. "Only in this hell hole 'cause my mom said she saw me tryna hurt someone while drunk. Eh."

Ray hummed softly, looking down. "I had a few close friends, but I don't feel like any of us were actually friends. I was in a crappy band up until I got here and stuff. I didn't do much other than that, I was shit with school."

Ryan looked to Mikey now, head tilted to the side. "Mikey?"

Mikey sighed, fidgeting nervously with the hem of his shirt. No sweatshirt today. He hated to see his arms, with how thin and covered in angry scars they were. But no one had said anything, he was thankful for that. "I don't know."

Ray frowned, rubbing Mikey's back gently. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."

Ryan nodded, smiling. "I was just curious, you don't have to answer."

Mikey just nodded, himself, not looking up. "I-... I didn't have any friends other than my brother, I rarely went to school.. I barely left the house, unless Gerard made me. I never really knew what it was like to.. Not be the way I was." And that's all he said. But everyone nodded, they understood to an extent."

"I'm sorry," Ray said softly, giving Mikey a side hug that very much reminded him of Gerard's hugs. It was upsetting, but comforting at the same time.

"It's okay," It was barely a whisper, as Mikey looked up, catching Ray's gaze. He smiled at him, before promptly taking a baby carrot off his tray and eating it, giggling at Ray's small mock pout.  
\--

 

Free time before therapy was uneventful as usual. But Mikey didn't stay in the community room. After lunch, he'd went straight to his room. Pete was a little worried, asking Mikey if he was okay, and Mikey said he was and left it at that. So everyone left him alone, Brendon with a promise to come get him when it was time for therapy. That was that.

Mikey really was fine, he just wanted to be alone for a little bit. He wasn't used to being around people still. It was nice, really, but a foreign feeling he wasn't sure if he'd get used to it as fast as he thought everyone expected him to. He sighed as he sat himself down at that desk in his room. He was right, the chair was uncomfortable. But it served it's purpose. He grabbed his previously untouched composition book and opened it, starting to write whatever came to mind.  
\--

Brendon came to Mikey as promised, and Mikey ripped the paper from the book and folded it up, shoving it in his jeans pocket as he followed Brendon to the community room for therapy. He gave the folded, slightly crumpled paper to Ray before he sat between him and Patrick as usual.


	8. I Know That I Won't Surrender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do appreciate comments, I want to know people actually want me to continue.

Ray glanced over at Mikey questioningly after he'd been given the paper, but just shrugged it off, unfolding it under the table they were all sitting at. The discussion today was how to deal with family issues, and Brendon seemed very uneasy, luckily Ryan was there for him to keep him relatively sane. Their therapist today was Julie, and she seemed just as bored as everyone else was, she was literally reading word for word exactly what was off a sheet of paper, so she didn't notice when Ray wasn't paying attention, rather reading what Mikey had given him. It was all hastily written, but legible, and took up about two-thirds the page, and he made sure to read every word. Whatever Ray thought it was, it wasn't what he expected, Mikey figured, since his eyes were widening a little occasionally, sometimes frowning, or huffing. Mikey wasn't sure why. All he'd written was.. Well, he didn't know how to describe it. He hoped it was encouraging words, something to keep Ray strong by. He'd just have to get a response after therapy.  
\--

Mikey really tried to escape and go back to his room immediately after therapy. But Ray'd grabbed his wrist, earning a squeak in response as he froze up, slowly turning to face Ray, eyes wider than usual. Ray was smiling, so this calmed Mikey down considerably. He wasn't mad, or sad.

"Thank you," Ray whispered as he pulled Mikey into a hug, and Mikey immediately hugged back. That was that, he didn't have to say anything in response. He nuzzled into Ray's neck lightly, closing his eyes and sighing softly. He didn't want to ever let go, this is where he felt safe. Not with his mom, or with Gerard, or maybe even Patrick. Ray. It hadn't been that long, but he knew. He just.. /Knew./ Ray would keep him safe, he knew it. He hoped so. He never wanted to lose Ray as a friend. Mikey held on tighter, starting to cry. Ray didn't know why, but neither did Mikey. Ray frowned a little, put sat back down slowly, pulling Mikey into his lap, gently rubbing his back as the younger boy curled up into him, trying his best to calm down on his own. This sort of behavior with anyone at the hospital was normal, random crying or breakdowns, so no one paid much mind to it, because Mikey didn't seem particularly in pain or needing help that very second. Besides, he was with Ray, and they figured Ray was already keeping him sane because he wasn't full on sobbing like last time.

"Hey, Mikey, it's okay.." Ray frowned again, holding Mikey tighter to his chest. He almost didn't want to, he was just so thin and fragile, he didn't want to hurt him. That was the last thing Ray ever wanted to do, hurt this already damaged boy. "Please don't cry, okay? I'm here for you, I promise, I promise, I promise.." He never spoke above a whisper, he didn't want to scare Mikey. Eventually though, he did manage to calm Mikey down, and he was half asleep in his arms, occasionally hiccuping from the crying. A nurse walking by the room glared at them both, because they were touching, which was apparently a fucking sin, and Ray just glared right back. He could be intimidating if he damn as well wanted to, and he wasn't going to just suddenly abandon Mikey because of some stupid ass rule. Honestly, if someone didn't want to be touched, they'd say so. Here, especially, for their own personal safety reasons. Mikey looked up at Ray, pulling him from his thoughts, and their eyes locked. Mikey managed a weak smile, clinging to Ray tightly again.

Of course though, that caught Frank's attention. Frank smirked at them, wolf-whistling from his corner with Brendon and Ryan, the other two with him giggling uncontrollably when Ray and Mikey blushed deeply, immediately pushing away from each other. Frank cackled, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair as he looked back to Brendon and Ryan.

"Can you believe those two? They're ridiculous!"

"I don't know what they're trying to accomplish," Ryan shrugged, looking to Brendon to see if he had any idea.

Brendon just shrugged too, pressing into Ryan's side more. "No fuckin' idea. Man, they're so gay."

Frank snorted. "No fucking way Ray is gay, he's too pretty to be gay. He's gotta be straight."

"Don't assume people's sexualities based on how they look!" Brendon smacked Frank's arm, earning a whine and a pout in response.

"I'm just sayin'!"

"That's your opinion! If you're so inclined to know, go ask him yourself!"

"Ugh, you make my life so difficult, Bren."

"And you make everyone's life a living hell, Frank."

Frank smirked, nodding with an over-exaggerated wink. "But honestly though.. Just fuckin' look at them, not even half a week together.." All three turned to look back to Ray and Mikey. Mikey was smiling and rather excitedly talking about something, and Ray was enthusiastically nodding. Normal friend stuff, so what?

Brendon snorted. "They're just talking."

Frank rolled his eyes. "Look more."

Upon actually listening to Frank, Brendon saw they were pressed into each other much like he and Ryan were, and Ray had his hand on Mikey's thigh, his thumb occasionally rubbing over the area he could reach.

Brendon frowned. "Ray's never like that with me!" He whined. "No fair!"

Frank smacked Brendon's arm this time. "Keep it down! Besides, you have your hippie ass boyfriend over here."

"I'm not a hippie!" Ryan whined, glaring at Frank, who just stuck his tongue out at him.

"Real mature, Frankie," Brendon snorted,

"You're one to talk!"

Ryan just blocked out Brendon and Frank's bickering, watching Ray and Mikey curiously. They weren't as.. Distant, per say, as Patrick and Pete, those two were extremely close friends. They weren't bouncing from person to person like Frank. Frank was just really friendly, liked talking to everyone there. They seemed to tend to stick together. Close friends, maybe. Surely..

"Hey, uh, Ryan? Your staring at them is kinda creeping me out.." Frank poked Ryan's shoulder.

Ryan didn't look away. "It takes a moment to like someone, a minute to get a crush on them, and a day to fall in love them."


	9. I Will Await Dear, A Patience of Eternity

The rest of the day, Ryan was watching Ray and Mikey carefully. He did't mean to, he was just curious. Brendon was keeping himself occupied with Pete and Patrick, so Frank just kept whining and bitching at Ryan for his 'creepy ass stalking.' He didn't think it was stalking, since they were in the same room a majourity of the time, excuse yourself, Frank. He'd begun making a mental list of the thing those two usually did, though.

-Random staring.  
-Very obvious cuddling.  
-Hand holding.  
-Hugs just a little too long.  
-Smiles that looked more genuine.

Like he'd said before, it only takes a day to fall on love with someone. Or maybe, he was just over reacting, and this wasn't everything he thought it was. It wasn't his business, so he had no right to pry. Besides, he only spoke to Brendon and Frank on a daily basis, sometimes Pete. He'd been here maybe half a month, and the limited time he knew Ray and Mikey, he didn't really speak to them all that much. Of course, he did occasionally, he didn't want them to think he hated them. He didn't, he just took a while to trust people, and Brendon knew this. It'd taken a while to get out of his shell, even to him. Ryan sighed, shaking his head and looking away from Ray and Mikey, who were currently reading a book together. It was one of Pete's, Ryan knew, and Pete had very good taste in literature.

"Ryan. Dude."

Ryan hummed in response, looking over to Frank.

"You gotta cut this shit out, it's creepy."

"I-... I dunno, I'm just curious."

"It's nothing, and we know it! They just have no friends other than each other."

"But, Patri--"

"Don't worry too much about it, okay? You know it's against the rules to have romantic relationships here anyways."  
\--

Visiting hours today were much different from last time, Mikey noted to himself. He was still cuddled into Gerard's side as usual, but Gerard was talking to Frank, and Mikey was talking to Ray. Not that he minded, being near Gerard and hearing his voice kept him extremely calm, and Ray could sense this, and he couldn't help but occasionally smile for no other reason, though not giving context.

".. And basically, the moral of that story is to not bootleg Disney movies with Korean subtitles, otherwise the FBI's gonna show up." Mikey finished his story with a nod, causing Ray to laugh. As well as Gerard, surprisingly, looking over to Ray and Mikey.

"True story, it scared the shit out of our grandma," Gerard confirmed with a wink before looking back to Frank, continuing to talk about whatever it was they were talking about. Mikey figured it was about music, not that he cared. He just wanted to be by him.

Mikey and Ray fell into a comfortable silence after that, just staring at each other. Mikey's eyes wide as usual, Ray's head just barely tilted to the side.

From the sidelines with his mom, Ryan noticed this too. He also saw Ray (subconsciously) drop his hand closer to Mikey's, and Mikey immediately grabbed on, holding his hand tightly, very similar to that of a child. Mikey was pretty child-like, Ryan thought to himself as he looked back to his mom, pretending to listen to what she was saying. Mikey had rather wide, fearful eyes, like he was just figuring out about the world. Generally, he was scared, too. Ryan didn't want to say Mikey was clingy, but he had this very child-like way of holding onto people, metaphorically and literally. He was very sweet, though, Ryan could see why Ray and Patrick took to him so well. Ryan smiled as he looked back over to them. Still holding hands, but now their fingers laced together, and they looked content with this, to be silent. He looked over to Gerard and Frank, now. Gerard still had an arm around Mikey's waist, and his other hand was just on Frank's arm. He couldn't see Frank's face from this angle, but he was probably pretty happy. Why Ryan cared so much about other people's lives, he didn't know. He laughed softly to himself as he looked back to his mom, trying to forget about those four for the time being.  
\--

Gerard stayed as long as long as he could for visiting hours as he could, as usual. Until he was forced to leave, much sadder than usual. He was really starting to like Frank, and he hated seeing that look on Mikey's face when he left. Ah, well. Before he left though, he saw Mikey and the afro guy (Was his name Ray? Yeah, Ray.) holding hands. Gerard grinned to himself, and Mikey, as he left.

There was about a half hour until they had to go to bed now. Frank just put the TV back on, this time he put the Food Network on. Nothing better was on, don't judge him. Why did people even give him the power of the TV? Eh, whatever, he always left the remote on the table in case someone wanted to change the channel. Brendon and Patrick went to bed early. Ryan and Pete were together, talking shit about the preppy nurse Katie. Ray and Mikey were cuddling in their normal corner, still holding hands, Mikey's head laying on Ray's shoulders.

"Hey, Mikey?"

"Hmm?"

"I'd die for you."

"I'm not worth it."

"You're worth everything to me, and I hold your life way above mine, you're really- for lack of better word- awesome."

Mikey giggled, giving Ray a quick kiss on the cheek that Ryan definitely didn't miss. "You're awesome, too."


	10. You Are The Best Romance I've Never Had

Mikey went to breakfast that morning. He'd woken up much earlier than usual, so it was just him and Patrick eating right now.

"This coffee fucking sucks," Mikey announced to Patrick, staring at the cup he was given in pure disgust. Patrick made a face before scribbling in his notebook and pushing it to Mikey. 'Decaf.' Mikey made mock-gagging noises, glaring at the coffee. He hated decaf. No amount of sugar and creamer he was given could make that shit taste better. Not only was it crappy hospital coffee in the first place, but it was /decaf/ crappy hospital coffee. Mikey wanted to cry. Patrick noticed his distress and thought for a moment before writing some more, and handing Mikey the notebook again. 'Have Gerard bring you Starbucks?' Mikey shrugged. "Yeah, I could call him and ask him." Patrick gave a nod of satisfaction and went back to his questionable looking hospital cereal. Mikey didn't think it was actual cereal, but hey, as long as Patrick was eating it, he didn't question it.

About a half hour later, a very sleepy Pete dragged himself into the room were they all ate their meals. It wasn't a cafateria, and it was too small to even consider calling it a room. It was just a space with a table and chairs. It was barely enough room for the whole group. Following Pete was Ray, whose hair was wet and matted down, clearly having taken a shower. He was equally as tired looking. Mikey was surprised those two managed to carry in their trays of shitty hospital food in without spilling or dropping.

"Wake the dead!" Mikey exclaimed dramatically, rolling his eyes at the very zombie-like responses he got. Upon actually hearing Mikey's voice though, Ray seemed noticibly happier. He sat himself down next to Mikey, yawning as he set his tray in front of him.

"Fancy seeing you here, up so early," Ray grinned, taking a few sips from his disgusting decaf coffee that still made Mikey want to cry.

Mikey shrugged. "I heard there was coffee. But apparently it tastes like piss."

Ray nodded. "Mmm."

Mikey was surprisingly wide awake, though. He'd slept surprisingly well for the first time since he'd been at in-patient, even though it wasn't very long. Even the horribly thin blanket kept him warm and happy last night. He was content. Extremely. He was almost drunk off happiness. And clearly, Ray was drunk on sleep.

Mikey didn't mind, he thought it was cute. Well, he always thought Ray was cute..  
\--

Free time before their first therapy was just the usual. It was pretty quiet with the occasional yawn or cough or sneeze. But damn, was it cold in there. Colder than usual, a few people were actually shivering. The heating system stopped working around 7am, an hour after Mikey and Patrick woke up. Nurse Katie said they'd get the heat working again by noon, and that this entire hospital section was suffering, not just the crisis stabilization.

Mikey was among the shiverers. He didn't want to have to get up and go to his room to get his sweatshirt, it was colder over there, so he just stayed curled into Ray's side, closing his eyes tightly, arms wrapped around himself tightly. Ray suddenly stood, Mikey whining in displeasure as Ray just left without another word. Where to, Mikey didn't know. Not that there were many places to go here. Mikey just pouted, scrambling up and rushing over to Frank instead, and they both very gratefully clung onto eachother for warmth.

A few minutes later, Ray came back, going over to Mikey and Frank, and handing Mikey a sweatshirt. Mikey blinked, looking up at Ray with confusion as he pulled away from Frank to take the hoodie. Ray just smiled as he watched Mikey pull it on, who smiled back, looking rather happy to be wearing the oversized hoodie. Frank snickered, rolling his eyes as he watched Mikey trail after Ray like a lost puppy back to their corner. Mikey sat himself in Ray's lap, looking rather content to be wearing something of his. Fuck the damn nurses and their rules. Mikey curled himself up into Ray's chest, head on his shoulder as usual, face pressed into his neck, not minding the damp curls pressing against him. Ray held Mikey close, not afraid to hold him tight anymore, he was starting to gain weight by the looks of it, and Ray was very happy for him, but he never said it, he didn't want Mikey to start feeling self conscious over his weight and stop eating again. Mikey looked up at Ray silently now, and Ray stared back, smiling slightly. They didn't need to speak, and that was that. Their therapist came in at that moment. It was Julie again.

"Alright, guys. Today, we'll be discussing relationships."

Mikey tensed up in Ray's hold.

"What kinda relationships?" Pete asked, tilting his head.

"All kinds," Julie answered, earning a nod from Pete. "Family relations, friendships, dating, stuff like that."

Nobody seemed paticularly interested, but Mikey just looked upset, and something was clearly bothering him about this topic. He knew it was just going to be talking about the importance of communication, and how to properly do it, but he just felt something so /weird/ in his chest when he thought about it. Ah, well. He'd try to ignore it. At least Julie didn't try and seperate him from Ray. She didn't try to seperate Brendon and Ryan either, so that didn't matter, apparently. Whatever. This wasn't an issue.

"Alright. Something you should know for all relationships-- Communication is key." Yep, Mikey called it. "You have to /always/ say if something is making you uncomfortable or upset, it'll only snowball if you don't. You'll feel worse in the end if you pretend it's all okay. Remember than as we go on talking today, alright?" There were a few mumbled 'okay's. "Thank you."

No one paid attention really after that. Mikey only paid attention when Julie got to the dating part. He still felt that weird thing in his chest though, so he curled closer into Ray, tugging his shirt gently to show he was a little uncomfortable, or whatever the feeling was, he didn't know. Ray tightened his grip on Mikey immediately, running a hand through his hair to try and calm him down, and it worked.

"Dating is a tricky topic," Julie began. "Because it's hard to feel actual love until you've found the person you're willing to give up that love for if it meant saving them from any kind of harm. Have any of you felt that towards someone?" No one responded. "Alright, is anyone currently in a relationship or have been in one in the past?" Patrick, Brendon, Ryan, and Frank raised their hands reluctantly, and Julie nodded. "So you guys have experience, then you should know what I'm saying." They nodded. "Something important here is making sure you always convey your feelings..."

Mikey ignored her then, looking up to Ray instead. 'Always convey your feelings.'  
\--

Mikey ate lunch that day, too. But he was quieter than usual. No one tried to make him talk though, they could tell he wanted to be left alone. He just silently ate what was supposed to be a pizza, sipping at the small cup of apple juice he was given. He left immediately after and went to the phone near the nurses' station and calling Gerard. He didn't know what to do anymore. And plus, he needed to get that coffee request in.

"Hello?"

"Gee, it's Mikey, I'm on the hospital phone."

"Oh! I was wondering if you'd ever call. What's up?"

"I want Starbucks."

He heard Gerard laugh.

"I got you, little bro. Here I was, thinking you were gonna give me a heartfelt message! But no, you ask for coffee."

Mikey snorted. "Fuck off."

"If you want me to.."

"Gee!"

"Okay, okay.. Anything else you need? You sound kinda off."

Mikey bit his lip, nodding a little even though he knew Gerard couldn't see. "I think there's something wrong with me," he mumbled out.

"I doubt that. What's up?"

"Why do I always feel so weird when I'm with Ray?"

There was silence on Gerard's end for a moment.

"What kind of weird? Good or bad?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want it to go away?"

"I don't know."

"Is it there when he's gone too?"

"Sometimes."

He could just tell Gerard smiled.

"Okay."

"'Okay' what?! Gee!"

"You're adorable, Mikes."

"Geeee! Asshole!"

Gerard laughed as he hung up, and Mikey pouted, having a small feeling Gerard wasn't taking him seriously. Whatever, fuck him, he'll talk to Patrick then.  
\--

He sat in his and Ray's corner in the community room, waiting for everyone else to come. Ray was the first to come, because he finished eating as fast as he could to go back to Mikey and make sure he was okay. He sat with Mikey wordlessly, and Mikey shifted to sit in his lap as usual. Whatever that feeling was, was back again, stronger than before.

"I really like you, Ray. You're my best friend."

Ray smiled. "I really like you, too."

After that, they sat in silence together for about ten minutes before the others all trailed in together, rather happily chattering away. Mikey stared at Ray for a moment.

"I need to talk to Patrick."

Ray looked at him questioningly, but didn't press further, letting go of Mikey. "Okay."

Mikey rushed over to Patrick, tugging at his arm.

"Patriiiick! Can I talk to you in the hall?"

Patrick shrugged and nodded, grabbing his notebook from the table he'd set it down on and followed Mikey out.

'What's wrong?' Patrick wrote once they were out of the room.

"There's something wrong with me, and Gerard wouldn't listen to me."

Patrick tilted his head to the side in question.

Mikey sighed. "I don't know how to describe it.. I just.. Feel kinda differant and strange when I'm with Ray, I don't know why.. I've never felt like that before."

Patrick thought for a moment, before he smiled, drawing a heart and showing it to Mikey. Mikey's face flushed a deep red.  
\--

Mikey was still blushing furiously when he came back into the room with Patrick. If Patrick could of, he would of been giggling as he made his way back to Pete at their back table. Mikey just went back over to Ray, sitting next to him, pressing into him and nuzzling into his neck, desperate for affection and attention from him. Ray obliged, rubbing one of Mikey's sides gently, his over hand taking Mikey's own into it. It was good enough for Mikey. More than good enough. Patrick watched them, smiling. This was the best thing he'd ever seen happen in this hospital hell.  
\--

During Quiet Time, Ray opted to go to sleep instead of stay awake and write like he normally would. He didn't write anything specific, just whatever was on his mind. Usually, you could see the name 'Mikey' appear often.

Quiet Time lasted an hour and a half. Ray woke up about an hour into it, blushing deepy from certain dreams he'd had about Mikey. Let's just say, he took a second shower.  
\--

Mikey was waiting for Ray outside his door after Quiet Time. He was sitting on the floor, legs crossed, staring at the bathroom. He knew Ray was in there because the door was closed.

Ray smiled when he saw Mikey, heading out over to him and picking him up.

"Hey, you. Long time no see."

"Drama queen."

"You're one to talk."

Mikey rolled his eyes.

"C'mon, let's go already. Pete found another puzzle we can work on instead of watching the Food Network with Frank."

Ray laughed as he carried Mikey back to the community room, completely forgetting the dream he'd had. It wasn't important.

This time, Pete's puzzle still had the box, so they have a referance picture. Everyone was thankful for that. Everyone was crowded around the now proclaimed puzzle table, trying to pick out all the edge pieces and fit them together. It was a 1,000 piece puzzle, this'd take them a while. It gave them something to do, at least.  
\--

Music therapy again today. It was pretty fun, people were getting more comfortable with their music requests. The supervisor/therapist for this was a girl named Lilliana. She looked like she belonged behind a librarian's desk, in Mikey's opinion, but she was actually pretty cool. She even helped them out with their puzzle while they listened to a ton of of Bowie, Anthrax, Metallica, Megadeth, and Sinatra.

Mikey only requested one song, though. He told Ray it reminded him of him.

So Far Away by Avenged Sevenfold.  
\--

By dinner time, Patrick had told everyone what Mikey told him. He didn't mean to. He only told Pete, and Pete told Brendon, who told Ryan, who told Frank, who frankly, seemed unamused. Like he already knew. Well, it was obvious.

Mikey was staring at Ray with a pathetically lovestruck look on his face, and Ray had the same exact look. They only time they looked away was to eat. Dinner tonight was chicken soup. Frank didn't seem to approve, so he skipped out on eating.

Mikey sighed softly as he looked into Ray's eyes, wondering if he could somehow read his thoughts through them. If only.  
\--

When Gerard came for visiting hours, he was talking to this guy with wicked hair as they walked in together. Pete noticed first, and his eyes lit up, and he rapidly stabbed Patrick's arm with the puzzle piece he was holding, pointing to the hair guy. Then, they both rushed over to him, Patrick starting to silently cry as he held onto him, Pete just whining at him for not coming sooner. Mikey thought he heard the name 'Joe' come up a few times.

Mikey and Ray stared in confusion, just shrugging it off as they gestured for Gerard and Frank to come over. As promised, Gerard gave Mikey his coffee, which brought real tears to his eyes.

Frank gestured to Pete and Patrick. "That guy's Joe, he's one of their friends. Yeah, we know it's supposed to be family only to visit, but he just says he's Patrick's cousin so he can get in." 

The other three just nodded and returned to their situation fron the previous night. Only now, Mikey had coffee, and Gerard kept glancing over at Mikey, smiling and shaking his head. When he made sure no one was looking,he pulled Frank in for a hug and gently kissed him on the cheek.


	11. Take Your Hand In Mine, It's Ours Tonight

"This coffee tastes like shit still!" Mikey shrieked out that morning, extremely displeased with the fact the coffee didn't magically become Starbucks or something overnight. He'd only been here for four days, but whatever.

Everyone else just groaned, not wanting to hear Mikey's bitching. He was extremely deprived of coffee, dammit! Mikey just pouted, crossing his arms and glaring at the cup of satanic piss, as he liked to call it. Not even good enough to be called coffee.

Ray sighed, rubbing Mikey's shoulder in a way he hoped was comforting. "Don't worry, Gerard's gonna bring you more coffee tonight, remember?"

Mikey nodded a little. "That's so far away!" He whined.

"Better late than never."

Mikey supposed he was right. But that didn't mean his craving for coffee went down any. Being without coffee was worse than being without Gerard. He sighed, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He was really tired, he hadn't got much sleep last night, he was thinking. About what he'd told Gerard and Patrick. Maybe Patrick was right, but he really doubted it. He just decided he'd sleep during Quiet Time today and try to get his mind off of it, and Ray.  
\--

That proved to be extremely hard as the day went on. Lunch was almost unbearable, and everyone could sense the tension between Mikey and Ray. It wasn't necessarily bad, but it was thick and obvious. They were touching much more than usual, Mikey occasionally making these small, needy noises as Ray ran his hands through his hair. But it was impossible to argue this-- This was the happiest that the group had ever seen Ray and Mikey. But it was getting ridiculous.  
\--

Free time before Quiet Time was just as bad as lunch, those two just kept grabbing at eachother and whining, until and extremely embarrassed Mikey suddenly left back to his room, mumbling out excuses as he rushed out.

Ray chewed on his lip, not sure if he did something wrong. Did he make Mikey uncomfortable? He must have, otherwise he wouldn't have left so suddenly without saying why. He was really worried, and maybe a little sad. He didn't even have anyone to talk to, because Mikey was his best friend, the only one he actually trusted in this place. He didn't even trust his case therapist, Marina. But maybe he could talk to Patrick, he knew Mikey trusted Patrick a lot, too. He sighed, standing and going over to Patrick, fidgeting nervously.

"Um.. Patrick?"

Patrick blinked, looking up at Ray with a smile.

"Can I talk to you?"

Patrick's smile faltered, but he nodded, grabbing Ray's wrist to tug him out into the hallway, then looked at him questioningly.

"I don't know what's going on with Mikey. Does he hate me, or something? I don't know what I did wrong.."

Patrick actually giggled softly, shaking his head. He thought it was obvious. He just opened his notebook to a blank page, and he drew another heart similar to what he drew Mikey and showed Ray, giggling again at the blush on his face. He flipped the page again, and quickly wrote something before showing Ray again.

'He loves you too, you know. Don't lose him.'

Ray blushed even deeper, looking away. "Okay."  
\--

Mikey wasn't seen at therapy after Quiet Time. His bathroom door was shut though. No one knew if he was okay or not. He didn't go to dinner, either, which made Ray decide he was gonna talk to Mikey after lights out, even if he got in trouble doing so. But if Mikey didn't even come out to see Gerard for visiting hours, Ray didn't know what he'd do. He knew Mikey adored Gerard, and wouldn't ignore him unless something was severely wrong.  
\--

Which apparently, there wasn't. Mikey came out for visiting hours, but stayed extremely silent as he remained curled into Gerard's side. He obviously had been crying at some point, and he was wearing Gerard's hoodie instead of Ray's, and Ray just wanted to know why Mikey suddenly stopped talking to him, if he really did love him like Patrick had said.

Mikey just frantically pulled at Gerard's shirt every time he stopping talking to him, but he never said a word in response. Why was he so distressed?  
\--

Ray waited until the second round of nurses checking on everyone were over. That's when he left his room as quietly as he could and went directly to Mikey's. He was really glad their rooms were next to each other. Luckily, Mikey was awake too. He looked up at Ray in surprise as he came into his room, but immediately sat up and held his arms up for him. Ray wordlessly sat next to Mikey and pulled him into a tight hug, frowning when he felt Mikey's silent sobbing against him. He just hummed to him softly, gently rubbing his back to try and calm him down. Eventually, it did calm Mikey down. He wasn't asleep, but his soft breathing made it seem that way. He looked up at Ray as they cuddled now, biting his lip.

"I-... I overdosed. That's how I got here.. I've been anorexic and depressed for three years, and I've been self harming for one.. A-and I tried to kill myself.."

It felt like Ray was just shot in the chest. This poor fucking kid... Gone so long without help, and so hopeless that he tried to kill himself..

Ray frowned, pulling the sleeves of Mikey's hoodie up slowly, in case he wanted to stop him. Mikey didn't make any move to do so. Ray frowned even deeper when he saw the scars. Many,many, /many/ had to have been recent, from before in-patient. The damn place was almost suicide proof. By the looks of it, Mikey was trying to scratch open the scabs of the more recent scars. Ray sighed as he carefully ran his fingers along the marks, pulling Mikey closer. In Mikey's mind, right now, there was absolutely nothing more intimate than touching someone's scars. He wanted to cry, for many reasons. But he knew they had to be quiet.

"You're better than this."

"I'm not!" Mikey whined in a whisper, tensing up.

Ray shushed him and took his hands into his own. "Mikey, please.. Stop hurting yourself.. If you can't do it yourself, do it for me.. Please, I-"

Mikey didn't let him finish. He just pulled him into a kiss.


	12. Savior Will Be There, When You Are Feeling Alone

Ray didn't even hesitate to kiss back, allowing his eyes to slip shut as he brought one of his hands up to gently cup Mikey's cheek. It wasn't anything deep, just innocent lips on lips, but it still held a certain passion from within. All that Ray, and Mikey for that fact, knew that this was what they both wanted. Mikey'd never kissed anyone before, so Ray kind of had to lead it, but he didn't mind. Neither of them ever wanted to pull away, even though they had to in order to properly breathe. They were safe from nurses, they only did their rounds every three hours. Mikey pulled back just barely, earning a whine from Ray as he pushed their lips back together, pouting when Mikey pulled back again. It was dark, but Ray could tell Mikey rolled his eyes as he got himself situated in Ray's lap instead, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him again. This was way better than coffee, Mikey decided as it was Ray who pulled back this time. He pressed their foreheads together and their gazes locked, even in the dim lighting provided by the hall lights. Mikey smiled, reaching a hand up to run through Ray's hair.

"I think I'm in love with you," he barely whispered out, much quieter than necessary. He was glad it was dark, because he was blushing furiously. But he saw Ray smile back.

"I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you too."

Mikey gripped Ray's hair in his hand tightly, pulling him in for another kiss. Ray was starting to get the idea Mikey really liked kissing him, not that he minded. Ray let his hands rub at Mikey's sides, he knew Mikey was always calmer and more relaxed when he did that. After that small exchange, it was completely silent in the room, other than the soft kissing noises and light, panting breaths from the pair. Every time they pulled apart to breathe, they yet still kept their lips barely brushing against eachother. They never wanted to stop that glorious contact, an intimacy forever treasured. And it was then, at that moment, that Mikey realized.. This is what being loved feels like. To be wanted. To be cared for. He could of started to cry.

"Please, stay," He whispered as he and Ray shifted to lay down, cuddling under the blankets. (Mikey was given extras to keep warm.) Mikey nuzzled into Ray's chest, very content to just be hearing his heartbeat and feeling his breaths.

Ray nodded as he wrapped his arms around Mikey the best he could in their current position. "Wouldn't dream of leaving."

"But, what if we-.."

"I'll take whatever punishment they give me."

"Ray.."

Ray shook his head, kissing Mikey's forehead. "Don't you worry about it. The night is ours to take and hold."

Mikey hesitated before nodding, closing his eyes with a small sigh. "Okay. Ours." He agreed softly, and he felt Ray smile against his head. He curled into him more, never wanting to forget what he felt like. What he smelled like. Mikey sighed again, starting to slowly fall asleep. Ray could tell, so he began gently rubbing one of Mikey's sides and humming to him softly. As much as he wanted to keep Mikey awake so they could kiss and cuddle more, if Mikey was tired, of course he was allowed to sleep. Ray smiled to himself as he felt Mikey start going limp against him, his breaths evening out to form a slow and steady pace against Ray's chest. Ray ran a hand through Mikey's hair, watching him as he slept. He was going to stay up all night to make sure he and his Mikey weren't caught. Well, that was the plan. Ray ended up falling asleep, as well, Mikey's head tucked under his chin.


	13. Hoping Soon To Find A Song Worth Singing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! I really appreciate it, and if you could continue to do so I'd love it even more! Thanks so much for all the love xx

Frank had woken up earlier than usual that day. No one else was up yet, but it was light out. He yawned and stretched as he got out of bed, heading over to the nurses' station across from his room, mumbling incoherently about wanting to eat right now this second immediately. One of nurses told him the room was unlocked, and the trays were already set, so he could feel free to go down whenever. Frank nodded, running a hand through his hair, muttering about needing to get it cut and redyed. He'd been here about a month, and he was mad about his hair more than anything. Because Mikey's room was at the end of the hall near where they all ate, of course he had to pass it. At first, Frank thought he was seeing things when he saw Ray in bed with Mikey. He cocked his head to the side, rubbing his eyes just to make sure he wasn't actually going crazy in this place. Well, he had to have been pretty crazy to be here in the first place. He grinned, crossing his arms and shaking his head. How those two got away with it, he'd never know. But they probably had to wake up soon to avoid being caught. Frank contemplated waking them up himself, but they actually looked happy. Happier than someone normally should be at this in-patient hell. So he decided against it, walking away with a rather happy smile on his face. Even as he grabbed his tray of questionable looking food, he was happy. Maybe that could be him and Gerard one day.  
\--

It was Ray who woke up first. He was panicking a little, immediately assuming they were caught and about to get their asses kicked or something. But he was still in Mikey's room, in Mikey's bed, with Mikey in his arms, still asleep. How they weren't caught was a mystery. Or maybe, they were caught, but just no one said anything. That was more likely, but it also meant this couldn't happen every night. Sadly. But still, Ray smiled as he nuzzled into Mikey's hair and grabbed one of his hands into his own, gently squeezing. He didn't plan on leaving until Mikey woke up.

Which turned out to be five minutes later. He smiled up at Ray sleepily, hugging him tightly.

"Food?" Mikey asked softly.

Ray nodded. "Food. Get dressed first though, okay? We'll meet eachother there."

Mikey nodded that time, pulling Ray into a kiss before Ray got up and left to his own room. Mikey sighed, hugging his pillow tightly and cuddling it. It wasn't the same as Ray. Honestly, Mikey wasn't even sure anything last night really happened. It had to have been, he woke up with Ray. Ah, well, he'd figure it out later.  
\--

After pulling on a pair of jeans he was pretty sure belonged to Gerard, the sweatshirt Ray gave him, and his glasses of course, Mikey had gone down to eat breakfast. It wasn't too late, because he always woke up too early. He was pretty sure they were having pancakes today, but whatever was on his tray didn't look like it. Whatever. Frank was still there, and to join him were now Patrick, Ray, and Brendon. Surprisingly though, Frank had kept his mouth shut. Mikey grinned when he saw Ray, sitting next to him immediately. Patrick was at his other side, they just naturally left a seat between them for Mikey now. Ray smiled at Mikey sweetly, grabbing his hand and holding it under the table while they ate with their other hands. Being so nearby, Patrick could see. He smiled, drawing another heart in his book and showing it to Ray and Mikey, who nodded with shy smiles. Patrick smiled wider and nodded himself, pulling his book back. Then, he made the gesture of zipping his mouth shut, even though he couldn't talk anyway, but then crossed his arms at the wrist in an X. He wouldn't say anything.  
\--

The nurses were really surprised at how close this group of teenagers were this time. They were usually very distant except for a few tight friends. But this time, everyone seemed to have a mutual friendship. Not that they were complaining.  
\--

Mikey was pulled out of the first group therapy. Everyone seemed really confused, but Mikey shrugged and went with it, following the nurse out into the hallway.

"Michael, your doctor would like to speak with you."

....

"About what?"

"He'd like to start getting you on some anti-depressants. Not that your progress here hasn't been worth noting, he believes it would help you greatly."

Mikey could of started to cry. A majourity of anti-depressants were pills, and Mikey was terrified of the things ever since he-... Mikey just quickly shook his head. "N-no! Please, I-... Tell him I said no.. I-I don't think it's the best option for me.."

"Now, Michael, he's a doctor, he knows best."

"I know myself better than he does!" Mikey shrieked, actually starting to cry. "I don't want your fucking drugs!"

The nurse frowned, staring at Mikey, before grabbing his wrist and forcing him to go to his doctor's office in the next hall over. Mikey was, needless to say, crying and on the verge of screaming his head off.  
\--

"... And we have already spoken with your mother, she agrees that it would be a good idea," His doctor concluded. He didn't know his name. Russo, was it? Dr. Russo, yeah.

"No thank you." Mikey hissed out, glaring daggers at the doctor. "I'm not interested at this time."

"But we really do believe that--"

"It's /my/ body, and you have no right by law that says you can force your damn drugs on me. And I /said no thank you./"

Dr. Russo seemed taken aback and Mikey's sudden forwardness. But he couldn't argue, it was against the law to force unwanted medication.

"Look, we know what's best for you, and-"

"You don't know shit!" Mikey stood up angrily. "I fucking told you no already! I'll fucking sue your sorry asses!" And with that, he abruptly left, slamming the door behind him. He began crying immediately as he ran back to his room. He didn't even care if therapy was over or not, he just really needed to be alone right now. To him, it seemed like he couldn't be happy for a single day without something else happening to ruin it. He layed down in bed, curling up in a ball under his blankets. He fell asleep crying.  
\--

He was forcefully woken up for lunch. And he was so fucking ready the fight the asshole that-- it was Ray, and he looked really concerned. Mikey relaxed a little when he saw Ray standing above him, and he was really grateful he didn't immediately force him to talk.

"Hey.. Lunch time, c'mon."

Mikey nodded, getting out of bed and latching onto Ray's arm immediately, holding his hand tightly. They were the last ones to get to the room, and no one seemed paticularly interested in their arrival, except Brendon. He saw then holding hands and grinned.

"About time."

Everyone else looked to Brendon in slight confusion before they looked over to Ray and Mikey, who were still holding hands. Ryan just nodded. Frank laughed. Pete shrugged. Patrick smiled.

"It's been five days, Brendon," Pete snorted. "There is no 'about time.'"

Ryan glanced over at Pete, and repeated what he said to Frank that one time. "It takes a moment to like someone, a minute to get a crush on them, and a day to fall in love with them. It's more than enough, Pete. They've been having this weird ass puppy-love for a while, and it's about time they did something with it. That's all."

Mikey was just glad no one was asking about what happened earlièr. He sighed as he sat with Ray; more silent than usual. But no one bothered him after that.


	14. I Am Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self harm is mentioned here, be warned and keep safe! Love you all xx

Mikey was just.. He didn't really know. He really wanted to go home, he suddenly hated it here. They wanted to fucking drug him. He sighed shakily as he stared down at his lunch. But he didn't eat anything.  
\--

Mikey didn't even go to dinner, just stayed locked in his bathroom again. Ray really wanted to know what was wrong, but he didn't want to force Mikey to talk if he clearly didn't want to. So he just waited outside his room, in case he did decide to come out anytime soon. When he did come out, he immediately rushed over to Ray, tugging him into his room insistently. His hair was damp, so clearly he'd taken a shower at some point. Ray wondered what Mikey'd look like without all his baggy clothes. Of course, not in a sexual way. He just really wanted to see all of Mikey. All his scars and marks, and kiss him everywhere he could. He was pulled from his thoughts when Mikey pulled him into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. He shoved himself into Ray's arms, crying into his chest.

"H-hey, Mikey.. It's okay, I promise.. Relax for me, okay?" Ray spoke softly, barely above a whisper. He knew that he hated being around loud voices when he was upset, so he figured maybe Mikey would be the same. Turns out he was, and Mikey was relaxing some already, at how calm and soft the voice he heard was. Familiar and warm. Of course, it didn't make him magically okay again. He was still softly crying into Ray's chest, holding onto him tightly. Ray just let him cry, rubbing st his sides gently, humming a little too. That definitely helped.

Maybe five minutes later, Mikey had calmed down to just the occssional hiccup. Ray smiled and kissed his forehead, though not speaking. It was quiet for a few minutes, until Mikey broke it.

"I-.. Th-they wanna drug me, Ray... They want me to take pills..."

Ray frowned. He knew Mikey was scared of pills and he had every right to be.

"If you don't want to take any, they can't force you."

Mikey nodded, of course he knew.

"Ray, I-..."

"Hm?"

Mikey sighed shakily, pushing up the sleeves of his hoodie and showing Ray his arms. There was plenty of scratch marks, and old scars were forced open and bleeding, or were bleeding. Ray frowned, but didn't make any move to touch them.

"Mikey.."

"P-please don't hate me!"

"I'd never hate you, I promise, Mikey, I love you. Don't forget that. Are there any more..?"

Mikey nodded and pointed to his thighs, but Ray didn't ask to see them. He knew Mikey wouldn't be confortable with that.

"Are they bleeding, too?"

Mikey shook his head.

"Are you telling the truth?"

Mikey nodded again, and Ray believed him.

"Okay." Ray sighed, carefully holding Mikey's arms to look at the damage. It wasn't too bad, but it was bad enough to be bleeding, of course. Ray let go of him then, grabbing some toilet paper and wetting it, then going back to Mikey, starting to gently dab at his cuts. They didn't have disinfectant, but Ray figured water and soap would be as good as they could get.

Once he'd clean off and dried Mikey's arms, he pulled the empty-feeling boy to his chest, kissing at the top of his head.

"I love you, Mikey. Don't forget it, okay? Please remember that. Nothing that happens to you can ever make me stop."

Mikey nodded wordlessly as he remained pressed into Ray, trying not to cry again.

\--

Gerard brought Mikey coffee again during visiting hours. Mikey took it gratefully, but only barely sipped at it as he remained complety pressed into Gerard. Except one of his hands, which Ray was holding, rubbing this thumb over occasionally. Gerard pretended not to notice as he and Frank were not so subtly flirting as Mikey and Ray watched. It was kind of pathetic how lame they were. Mikey could of laughed if he still wasn't feeling so guilty, despite Ray assuring him that he wasn't a fuckup and that it was okay and perfectly normal to feel or act this way, especially in these circumstances. But he promised not to say a word to anyone about it. Not even Gerard knew.

Mikey stared at just Gerard now.

"Gee.."

Gerard turned to look at Mikey. "Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"No matter what? Always?"

"Forever and always."


	15. It's Do Or Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual themes are implied here, but not written out, only in the beginning mentioned. Only the kissing beforehand is shown. But if the implications make you uncomfortable, which I can understand, feel free to skip over this chapter completely, or you can skip down to the dividing -- lines I use for timeskips. It'll be the first one you see. I'll be working on the next one by the time you see this, so you'll get an update to read today regardless if you choose to skip this one!

Whatever Ray expected, it wasn't suddenly being woken up in the middle of the night. He wasn't sure who by, though. So he just mumbled incoherently and rolled over in bed, trying to go back to sleep. When he heard a whine, he knew it was Mikey, so he rolled back over, looking up at Mikey silently. In the dim lighting, it looked like Mikey had been crying.

Mikey whined again, sniffling as he got in bed with Ray, who immediately wrapped his arms around him, trying to comfort him the best he could without knowing what was wrong. Ray sighed softly, rubbing Mikey's lower back, absolutely hating to see Mikey upset.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly.

Mikey sighed shakily, just shaking his head and pulling Ray into a kiss. It was a really needy one, like it was all Mikey ever needed to survive another day. Ray kissed back of course, with everything he could. If he were honest, he really wanted to kiss Mikey too, it was hard not to all day. They got away with way too much, and he was pretty sure they'd draw the line at kissing. But like he'd said before, the night is theirs, and they could do whatever they wanted. Anything they wanted.. He knew it was extremely risky, but..

Ray pulled back, looking into Mikey's eyes the best he could. He pulled him back in for another kiss after a moment, this time a much deeper one. Mikey felt Ray's hands start pushing up his shirt, and he tensed up slightly until he felt his warm hands rubbing at his skin gently, which made him relax again. He kissed back with as much energy as he was getting, allowing his hands to trail around Ray's upper body the best he could.

It was Mikey who pulled back that time, panting softly as he pressed their foreheads together. He shifted their position so he was straddling Ray, then pulled him back in for another kiss. Immediately, Ray kissed back, pushing his hands back up Mikey's shirt, only pulling away from their kiss to tug off Mikey's shirt.  
\-------

The next morning, Mikey was extremely happy to find he was still in Ray's arms. The events from the previous night suddenly came back to him, and he would of thought it didn't really happen if he didn't feel a literal pain in his ass. But still, he felt his heart practically swell in a newfound affection for Ray, and he immediately cuddled into him more, sighing softly with a smile.

Apparently, Ray was already awake. He smiled when he saw Mikey was awake, and kissed the top of his head gently.

"Hey, you. Good morning."

Mikey smiled shyly, looking up at Ray. "Morning.."

"You okay?"

"Mhm. Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, yeah, you worry too much."

"I can't help it!"

Mikey rolled his eyes, pressing into Ray more. "We should probably shower."

Ray nodded, humming softly. "Probably. But y'know, that requires getting up."

Mikey groaned. "But we probably smell like sex! Everyone's gonna know "

Ray giggled, "They'll know anyway." He lightly brushed his fingers along a dark hickey on Mikey's neck, which caused Mikey to blush deeply.

"Fuck you."

"Well.."

"Shut up!"

Ray rolled his eyes. "Just wear one of your hoodies, you can cover it like that."

Mikey hummed softly in thought. It wouldn't be the best way to hide it, but whatever, it's all they had.

"Okay. I'll see you at breakfast, loser." Mikey giggled, quickly getting dressed in what he had on the night before and rushing back into his room, and into the bathroom.  
\--

Breakfast today was cereal and yogurt. The coffee still made Mikey want to cry, but he drank it nonetheless. With a shit ton of sugar and creamer in it. He'd made it there before Ray, but Patrick was there, so he wasn't completely alone. He was talking with Patrick about why Avenged Sevenfold was better than Megadeth. That's what Ray walked in on, Mikey insisting just the single album Nightmare alone was better than the entire Megadeth discography, Patrick just shaking his head. Ray laughed as he sat on Mikey's other side.

"Neither of you are right, Metallica's way better."

Mikey rolled his eyes. "No way."

"Yes way."

Mikey pouted, shaking his head as he went back to eating. He stayed close to Ray, closer than usual, but no one seemed to notice anything different.  
\--

Frank decided to put the Food Network back on again. And no one knew why. Frankly, Frank didn't even know why. But it made everyone question his life choices, so that was a plus. But yet, everyone else was watching it with him anyway. Mikey and Ray in their usual corner, curled into eachother. Mikey reminded Ray of a kitten, he hummed softly as he ran a hand through Mikey's hair. Shy and kind of anti-social at first, but once you get to know him he's really sweet and affectionate. Ray smiled, glancing around before kissing Mikey's forehead gently.

"Hey," He whispered. "I love you."

Mikey smiled, looking up at Ray. "I love you more."

Ryan, still being the kind of stalker he was, saw and heard this. He grinned, nudging Brendon and Frank and gesturing to Mikey and Ray. Frank stared for a moment, slowly bringing a smirk to his face.

"Hey, Mikey!"

Mikey looked over to Frank. "What?"

"Your gay is showing."

"Like I don't see you flirting with my brother."

Frank blushed deeply, Brendon snickering and poking Frank. "Watch what you say to that kid, he's got tabs on us all by now."


	16. It's All Done For You

Therapy all day was boring as usual. Nothing entertaining ever happens. Ryan began talking more during therapy though, so that was something. Nothing else Mikey could really note. This place was boring, he just wanted to go outside.  
\--

"I'm being discharged today," Pete announced at lunch with a grin.

Everyone seemed a little surprised, but then remembered you had to leave here at some point.

Patrick looked really sad though. He stared at Pete, obviously trying not to cry. Mikey knew they were best friends, so this had to be really hard on him.

"Hey, congrats, dude!" Frank grinned, giving Pete a side-hug. "When you leavin'?"

"Tonight!" Pete smiled, trying to avoid looking at Patrick, because he knew the look that would be on his face. He hated seeing him sad, but he knew that Patrick had Mikey with him now, so he didn't feel /as/ bad. But hey, he got the chance to leave this hell, and he was going to take it.

Patrick looked even more crushed, but he just looked down at his lap. Mikey frowned, hugging Patrick tightly. "Hey, it's okay. You'll be discharged soon too, and then you guys can see each other again!"

Pete nodded. "Yeah! Don't worry, Trick, I promise you'll get out soon."

Patrick just nodded silently, grabbing his notebook and writing 'Okay.'

Mikey frowned again, looking to Ray, who just shrugged. There wasn't really anything they could do.

Pete sighed, looking away. "I'll be leaving at 8:30. I won't be going to the rest of therapy today, I gotta fill out my discharge papers with my parents and case therapist. And pack up all my shit."

Everyone else just nodded 

"We'll miss you, loser," Brendon sighed dramatically. "You better not leave without giving me your number."

Pete shrugged. "Okay, remind me later. Try not to die without me."

"I'm already celebrating." Ryan snorted, getting a smack on the arm from Brendon.  
\--

Visiting hours came too quick. Pete would be leaving in a half hour. That Joe guy with the cool hair came back again, he'd be leaving with Pete and his parents, according to Pete. Patrick seemed perfectly happy to be sitting on Joe's lap, running his hands through his hair the best he could. Seemed to Mikey that Pete knew something about them that he didn't. Oh well, it wasn't his business. But he was sure Joe would be coming more often now that Pete was leaving, so Patrick wouldn't feel as lonely.

Mikey just sighed as he curled into Gerard more, nuzzling him lightly to try and get his attention.

"Hmm?"

"Pay attention to me."

Gerard laughed, hugging Mikey tightly. "I am giving you attention. Why don't you give your boyfriend attention?"

Mikey blushed deeply and began stuttering out random shit, doing anything to insist he and Ray weren't dating. Ray seemed equally embarrassed, which only proved Gerard's point.

They'd never said it out loud, but they both just /knew./

Gerard laughed again, rolling his eyes and kissing Mikey's forehead before turning back to Frank again, who was sitting at his other side. Mikey frowned. Gerard seemed really happy with Frank, but he knew that once Frank was discharged, Gerard would be spending all of his time with him. Mikey knew he was selfish for wanting Gerard all to himself, even though he had Ray, but that was his brother, his best friend. It'd take some getting used to.

Mikey eventually completely moved away from Gerard, extremely upset to see he didn't even notice. Mikey just whined, curling into Ray instead, which was just as great, in his opinion. He nuzzled into his neck, sighing softly against it. Ray held Mikey tightly, trying to think of something to say to him. He was clearly upset, but Ray just couldn't think of the words to say. So he just kissed his head.

"It's okay, Mikey.. You know he still loves you more than anything in the world. You guys have a special bond that he and Frank will never have."

Mikey nodded a little, staring at Gerard. Knowing he was at least nearby made him happy, at least.

 

Patrick had gone into his room before Pete left. Guess he didn't wanna see him actually leave, and Mikey didn't blame him. Everyone just gave him a group hug, and Pete distributed small pieces of folded papers with his phone number to everyone during so. Even though they didn't talk much, Mikey felt like he was losing his best friend. You really do get to know people too well too fast in this place.


	17. Then I Lost It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long will this be, you may ask? I dunno, just stick around for the ride.

Mikey and Ray didn't sleep with each other that night. For one, it was too risky to sleep together more than two nights in a row. And second off, Mikey said he wanted to be alone for a little while, after Gerard left, and Ray respected that. He didn't talk to him, didn't really go by him. Of course though, he did kiss him before they went to bed, which Mikey was more than happy about.

But Mikey wasn't really any better in the morning. He skipped breakfast. In fact, Patrick did too. Those two were upset for different reasons, though. 

Mikey stayed in his room up until therapy, where he left before he knew he would end up being forced. When Ray saw him for the first time that day, he just looked kind of.. Empty. Like everything he was doing was based on sheer luck. Mikey just really didn't look like he wanted to be anything associated with alive. Mikey hadn't slept at all, and was honestly thinking up ways to kill himsef in this supposedly suicide-proof hell. He thought of a few ways that would definitely work.

Ray frowned at Mikey's disposition, unsure if he should go over to him or not when he saw him sit alone. As far away as he could manage to be. He wanted to give Mikey the space he needed, but he knew Mikey was suicidal, and his brother practically forgetting his existance probably wasn't helping. Ray decided he'd just wait until after lunch before he tried talking to Mikey again.

Honestly, Mikey really wanted to talk to Ray. He wanted to know he was going to be okay without Gerard. He was really starting to believe Gerard didn't actually want him around anymore, even though it'd only been one one night. But could you really blame him? He was extremely unstable, and depressed, it wasn't his fault he was used to immediately assuming nobody liked him.  
\--

In the middle of therapy Mikey'd started to cry suddenly, and no one knew why. Mikey didn't really either, he just suddenly felt an extreme bout of sadness and couldn't hold it back. Patrick, whom was sitting by him as usual, was really concerned, and tried hugging him, but was just shoved away as Mikey stood up and ran off back to his room. Ray followed him, and no one stopped them.

Patrick frowned. He was used to it, but it was still weird for that to happen from Mikey, he was normally so sweet. He just sighed softly, moving over to sit by Brendon instead. He'd known Brendon for a long time, too, because of Pete, but they weren't as close as he and Pete were. But it was nice to know he had friends here other than Mikey. He supposed Brendon and Ryan were all he would have for now, since he couldn't see Pete for at least another month. He shook his head, grabbing his notebook off the table and writing in it quickly before passing it to Brendon.

'What's going on?'

Brendon frowned, shrugging. They were still in therapy, so technically couldn't be talking to each other. Patrick held out his pen for Brendon to take, so he took it and grabbed the notebook to respond.

'I dunno man. He seemed fine yesterday.'

'Do you think it has anything to do with Pete?'

'No way.'

'Oh.'

Brendon shrugged, sighing and looking over at Ryan, who fell asleep in the chair next to his own. Therapy was boring anyways. Frank wasn't paying attention either, but then again, no one ever did. Brendon shrugged again, grabbing Patrick's book once more.

'He'll be okay, Ray will make sure of it.'

Patrick nodded a little, shutting the book and hugging it to his chest tightly, as if he were going to lose it if he didn't.  
\--

Back in Mikey's room, Mikey was hysterically sobbing into Ray's chest, and he still didn't know why he'd suddenly lost it. And he didn't know how the fuck Ray managed to keep so calm in this hell, either, it pissed him off! He cried harder with that thought, holding Ray tighter. He hadn't said anything at all, just cried as Ray held him. He thought Ray was whispering to him, but he couldn't really hear over his own crying.

Eventually though, Mikey did calm down, and Ray picked him up off the little couch-like thing in his room and laid him in his bed instead, pulling the blankets over him. It wasn't Quiet Time yet, or even lunch time, but he knew Mikey just really needed to rest right now. He looked /really/ tired. Ray was about to leave, when Mikey shrieked and grabbed at his arm, staring up at him helplessly. It was almost the same look he'd given Gerard when he--... Mikey didn't wanna think about that. He just whined, insistently pulling Ray's arm. Really, Ray already knew they were breaking so many fucking rules just by even being in each other's rooms, and he couldn't risk them being in the same bed together while everyone was awake and walking around. But at the same time, he could really tell Mikey needed him, he just looked so heartbroken.. Ray sighed, giving in and getting in bed with Mikey, arms around him tightly.

"Tell me you love me," Mikey demanded in a slightly shaky voice, nuzzling into Ray's hair.

Ray nodded a little, pressing closer into Mikey so he could leave small little love bites at his neck, whispering out 'I love you's between each one.


	18. Let Shadows Die, So I Can Feel Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do any of you know the names of the songs I'm taking lyrics from? If you can name at least two of them I'll write sin for you lmao

Patrick was starting to spend a majority of his time with Brendon and Ryan now. He would of went to Frank, but he kind of scared him sometimes, and he figured Brendon was the best option. Since Mikey was with Ray and all. He wouldn't have minded being completely alone though, since a majority of the time he didn't feel like he was actually wanted, because he was different, and always would be, in his mind. Little did he know though, he really was starting to make progress on speaking again.  
\--

After both therapies for that day, and at lunch, Patrick sat with Brendon and Ryan. Mikey, Ray, and Frank were all sitting together, and Frank was teasing Mikey for some rather suspicious marks on his neck. Honestly, Patrick had no idea how those two were getting away with so much, they were going to get their asses kicked one of these days, and it wouldn't be pretty.

Patrick sighed softly, looking over to Brendon, who looked like he was ready to fall asleep. It was kind of cute. Well, Brendon was always cute. Hyperactive and a little strange, but definitely cute. Really sweet, too, even though he was a total diva sometines. Patrick could see why Ryan liked him so much.

Brendon yawned, stretching out the best he could while sitting, looking over at Patrick with a grin.

"Didn't sleep much last night."

Patrick rolled his eyes, because it /was/ kind of obvious.

"Oh, shut up--... Oops."

Patrick giggled softly, smiling at Brendon. "Fuck off." He hadn't even realized he'd spoken, and when he did, his eyes widened. Brendon gaped at him before he slowly grinned instead.

"Dude!" He laughed, pulling Patrick into a tight hug. "The first words you fuckin' say to me, and it's 'fuck off.'"

Everyone else seemed to have realized Patrick spoke, and were equally excited. But they never thought they'd hear Patrick of all people swear, it was kind of funny, but adorable. /Pete/ hadn't been able to get Patrick to speak, so Brendon easily felt extremely proud of himself.

After everyone had given Patrick a hug of some sort, telling him he was adorable and should definitely work on trying to speak more in the future, they all sort of slipped back to normal. Brendon figured that was enough progress with Patrick for today, until he spoke to him again.

"Brendon?"

"Yeah..?"

"Thank you."

Brendon grinned, giving Patrick another hug. "Don't mention it."

Patrick had mentally decided, he would only answer in short responses. Talking was hurting his throat as it was, so he'd speak as little as possible, but he'd definitely start to work on it some more. But he decided that was enough for today.  
\--

After lunch, free time was otherwise uneventful and nothing different happened. Except, Frank had gone back to his room to take a nap. Which meant, the others can control of the TV for once, which meant no Food Network. Ryan was the one who had the remote, flipping through the channels and asking if anyone wanted to watch that specific show or not. Eventually they'd all just agreed to watch Spongebob, which wasn't the best option out there, but it was what was on that didn't suck.

Mikey didn't care, honestly, he just wanted to go to sleep. But he didn't, because... Well, he didn't know why, he was just telling himself he couldn't, and that he absolutely had to wait for Quiet Time to sleep. He sighed softly, closing his eyes as he felt Ray start to play with his hair. It always relaxed him to have his hair played with, he could easily fall asleep like this. But again, he didn't. Because he was stubborn. He yawned softly, pressing into Ray more to try and get more attention, he absolutely loved being touched by Ray. His hands were just so big and warm, they made him feel safe. Ray smiled as he saw Mikey curl into him more, humming softly and pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head, which caused Mikey to look up at him, smiling sweetly, but sleepily.

"Go to sleep, dork."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

Ray snorted, shaking his head. "You're strange."

Mikey nodded in agreement. "You love it."

Ryan giggled from across the room. "He loves your ass, too." That earned him a smack on the arm from Brendon, who just rolled his eyes.

"Damn right I do." Ray grinned, dropping one of his hands down to Mikey's waist, and maybe dropping further to his ass. Mikey squeaked, blushing deeply and looking away.

"F-fuck off, Ryan.." He mumbled out, hiding his face in Ray's neck.

Ryan shrugged. "Someone had to say it."  
\--

Mikey was right, Joe came back during visiting hours for Patrick again, and he started crying when he heard Patrick softly greet him. That was all he said though, Mikey figured talking after being silent for so long would hurt your vocal chords and your throat.

Gerard didn't show up today, but Mikey couldn't have cared less. As much as he loved Gerard, he was still kind of mad at him for the day before, and didn't want to deal with that again. So he just stayed in the community room, sitting in the corner by himself. Ray's mom had come to see him, so he couldn't be with him. Ryan was talking with Brendon and his parents. Patrick was with Joe. Frank was asleep again. His mom rarely showed up. Mikey sighed, standing up and leaving the room after a few minutes, going back to his own room to go to sleep earlier. Maybe he'd be in a better mood than usual if he got more sleep.


	19. I Sit Here And Smile, Dear

Mikey woke up first that morning. First thing he did was shower. Honestly, the hospital's shampoo/body wash stuff smelled like crap, but it was better than smelling like sweat and death, in Mikey's opinion. After he'd gotten out, he got dressed in whatever he hadn't worn more than three times. But he pulled on Ray's hoodie over the Smashing Pumpkins shirt he had on, just because it made him happier. The toothpaste the hospital gave him was also really weird, it made his mouth feel really sticky and gross even after he rinsed it out. This whole place was gross, actually, everything about it. He considered going to breakfast beforehand, but decided against it, which is why he immediately brushed his teeth instead. So he sat himself down on his bed, brushing his damp hair with the crappy comb he was given. But it did its job of getting the knots out of Mikey's hair. He sighed, pulling his hood up and laying back on his bed, staring at the ceiling once he'd grabbed his glasses and shoved them on. They were starting to get a little weak in perscription, he needed to get an update. He'd call his mom about it later, so he could get to the eye doctor after he got out of in-patient.

Eventually, Mikey got bored of just staring at the ceiling and thinking about his out of date glasses. It wasn't a very entertaining topic. He sighed again and dragged himself out of bed, heading into Ray's room instead. He was still asleep presumably, not that Mikey cared, he just wanted to cuddle right now, he was feeling extra affectionate right now. He laid in bed with Ray, cuddling into him, making a small, pleased sound when Ray immediately wrapped his arms around him to hold him close. Mikey smiled, closing his eyes and pressing into Ray more. He wasn't tired, so he couldn't fall asleep, but he was just very relaxed.

About a half an hour later, Ray woke up, and he was very pleased to find Mikey was in his arms. He'd felt really bad about not talking to him at all before they went to bed, since Gerard didn't even come and all, but he seemed relatively okay now.

"Good morning, pretty," Ray yawned, smiling and kissing Mikey's forehead.

Mikey smiled back as he looked up at Ray. "Missed you last night."

Ray frowned a little. "I know, I'm sorry.. But we've got all of today together, and that's worth it."

Mikey nodded, kissing the tip of Ray's nose. "Yeah. Wanna cuddle more or go wait in the group room for everyone else?"

Ray rolled his eyes, huffing and pulling Mikey closer. Like hell he'd get up if he had the option to stay in bed. Mikey giggled softly, closing his eyes again as he remained as close to Ray as he possibly could. He never wanted to leave his side.  
\--

During free time before lunch, Frank put the Food Network back on, and still nobody knew why the fuck he kept putting it on. He was a weird little dude, as Patrick said to him earlier. Frank had agreed, to nobody's surprise.

Mikey was still feeling extremely affectionate, so he'd pulled Ray into the very back of the room by the puzzle table, because you couldn't see over there unless you walked into the group room. He was sitting directly on Ray's lap, both of them touching eachother wherever they could, and of course there was a lot of kissing involved. Some more innocent than others.

Brendon was watching this, as weird as it was, with a smile. Those two were just absolutely adorable together, and the fact that they purposely defied every rule in this place to be together was saying a lot. Brendon sighed softly, smiling wider as he looked away, back to watching the Food Network with Frank, Ryan, and Patrick.  
\--

By the time it was actually time for lunch, the tension between Mikey and Ray was too unbearable. Needless to say, they ended up skipping lunch together...

Not like the others didn't know what those two were doing anyway.

Frank, for some reason, had decided to talk to Ryan today. It's not like they'd never spoken before, but it wasn't common enough for this to be exactly normal. But Brendon didn't seem to pay as much mind to it as Patrick did. But Patrick was naturally curious, he kind of liked knowing about most things happening.  
\--

When everyone else got back from lunch, Mikey and Ray were watching Teen Titans in the community room, Mikey pretty much half asleep while curled into Ray's side.

Frank snickered, going over to them and sitting next ti Mikey, poking at his jawline, causing Mikey to shriek and immediately squirm away from Frank.

"I see you're very territorial, Ray."

Ray blushed deeply, looking away and opting out of responding.

"You're gonna have a really hard time hiding these from the nurses, y'know. They'll kick both your asses and seperate you both. Stick to marking his thighs and hips from now on, trust me, it's from personal experience of hiding shit from my parents."

Well, Ray and Mikey couldn't deny Frank was right, they were already walking on extremely thin ice here, they really couldn't keep being this obvious about it. Ray frowned a little, rubbing Mikey's thigh gently, in what he hoped was a comforting way, considering he could feel Mikey tensing up, obviously terrified now.

"Hey, it's okay, Mikey.." Ray kissed his cheek softly. "If you keep your hood up, nobody'll be able to see them as clearly.."

Frank nodded, feeling a little bad for scaring Mikey that much. "Seriously, nobody will be able to see unless they're all up in your face."

Mikey shrugged, then pulled his hood up, and curled back into Ray, sighing.

Brendon shook his head, smacking Frank's arm.

"Hey! The fuck was that for?!"

"Scaring Mikey! You /know/ he has really bad anxiety!"

Frank frowned, looking back to Mikey, then Brendon again. "Yeah, I-... Yeah.." He looked back to Mikey again. "Sorry, Mikey..."

Mikey just shrugged, and Frank frowned even more. He had a feeling Mikey didn't like him too much anymore.  
\--

During visiting hours, Gerard came back that night. Frank immediately left to go to bed when he saw Gerard come in, not wanting to upset Mikey further by taking his brother from him again.

Gerard frowned when he saw Frank leave, but didn't pay much other mind to it and he went over to Mikey immediately, siting by him with a smile.

"Hey, Mikey!"

Mikey really wanted to still be mad at Gerard, he really did, but he missed him way too much. Ray knew this, so he let go of Mikey and smiled as Mikey immediately clung onto Gerard, nuzzling into his chest and whining a little.

"Don't leave me again, fucker!"

"Wow, hello to you to. I'm sorry about yesterday though, I was caught up in a lot of homework."

Mikey didn't even caren he was just happy that Gerard was here at all. He smiled up at him, kissing his cheek lightly.

"Whatever, Gee."

Gerard rolled his eyes, hugging Mikey tightly, doing whatever he could to make up for the lost time. He looked over at Ray, who was very obviously staring at Mikey, with a very loving look in his eyes. Gerard grinned.

"You have my blessings."

Mikey groaned. "Shut the fuck up, Gee!"


	20. It Hurts To Know That You Belong Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter titles are no longer limited to Black Veil Brides lyrics. Not that anyone cares. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying whatever this is! It feels really great to be talking about in-patient like this, in a way that isn't as terrible as the experience really was for me. Thanks for reading, and for listening, and enjoy the rest of the journey!

Mikey and Ray didn't sleep together that night, either. They didn't try and see each other before breakfast, either. They had to play it safe, because they were more than positive almost everyone in that section of the hospital had caught on. So they decided that they'd sleep together once or twice a week at most, the rest to be figured out later. It was still extremely difficult to be playing that game, but Ray had started having these... Night terrors, and the only thing that could keep him sane at night was Mikey. Of course, sometimes he still would wake up in the middle of the night crying, even if Mikey /was/ there. There's only so much he could do. He never told Mikey, though. He didn't want him to worry, he already had enough to deal with, and Ray didn't want to bother him. Ray started telling himself Mikey didn't actually like him, sometimes. But it mainly happened in his nightmares. He didn't want to believe them, there wasn't any way they could be true... Right?

Ray sighed heavily as he stared up at the ceiling of his room. It was morning, but he'd still woken up shaking and crying, and he was really surprised no one even tried waking him up. Well, maybe they did try, but he just couldn't-- Actually, he didn't want to think of that, it scared him to think about. Never waking up from an endless nightmare.. He shivered as he sat up. He really wanted Mikey right now, but he knew he had to wait. Sighing, Ray forced himself out of bed, and into the bathroom. He didn't want to look like he'd been crying, so he just got in the shower, hoping that would help relax him until he could be with Mikey again that day.  
\--

Mikey and Brendon were the only ones eating breakfast currently, so they figured getting to know each other better was better than sitting in an awkward silence as they ate and probably stared at eachother. Brendon was actually sitting next to Mikey, instead of where he usually did to wait for Ryan.

"... and that's it, that's how the fuckin' story goes." Brendon was telling him about some random thing involving Pete, Patrick, and the other two that Mikey honestly forgot the names of. It was a really hard story to follow, but it was honestly the funniest shit Mikey'd ever heard, and he was laughing his ass off, Brendon grinning triumphantly. He'd never seen Mikey actually laugh the entire time he was here. He had to be some kind of wizard, he made Patrick talk and he made Mikey laugh. What next? He giggled at the thought.

"Brendon, you're the weirdest fucking person I've /ever/ met." Mikey grinned

Brendon nodded, smiling and shrugging. "I do my best."

Mikey rolled his eyes, smacking Brendon's arm playfully. He was starting to really like this guy, he was pretty cool.

That's when Frank came in, yawning and looking like he was about to pass out any second. Brendon frowned.

"Frankie, dude, you okay?"

Frank shrugged as he sat down across from Brendon, yawning again and running a hand through his hair. "Tired."

"No shit."

Mikey snorted, sipping at the still terrible coffee that honestly would make him cry one of these days.

Frank just shrugged again. "Didn't sleep all that much. Kept waking up 'cause someone was fuckin' crying in their sleep, it was loud as shit. No idea how you lucky fuckers slept."

Mikey and Brendon both frowned. They both knew it wasn't them, they'd know if they were crying, they'd have woken up looking like they were. It had to be Ray, Ryan, or Patrick then.. Mikey frowned even more. It couldn't have been Ray, he was too--... Well, he was here for a reason.. Mikey sighed, looking down at his lap.

Brendon gave Mikey a side hug, despite not really knowing what was going on in his head. "It's okay, dude! It could of been one of the adults, they are in the hallway next to us, so don't worry too much!"

Mikey considered that for a moment. It was possible, and it relaxed him. He pressed into Brendon's hug, smiling a little when he saw Brendon's own large, excited smile. He couldn't not smile when he saw Brendon's smile.

Frank rolled his eyes, huffing a little and yawning yet again. "Better watch out, B. Loverboy's coming."

Brendon laughed, shrugging and hugging Mikey again before letting go of him and actually starting to eat as Ray came in, sitting himself next to Mikey silently.

"Friends are allowed to hug eachother! Right, Ray?"

Ray looked up at hearing his name, tilting his head slightly. "...What?"

Brendon rolled his eyes. "Pay attention! Can friends hug eachother?"

Ray frowned. "Well, yeah. Why wouldn't they be?"

Brendon grinned triumphantly. "Ha! Fuckin' told you, Frankie!" With that, he pulled Mikey into another hug, and Mikey hugged back, laughing softly.

Frank snorted. "I never said they couldn't!"

Ray laughed, shaking his head as he began to eat, enjoying Frank and Brendon's bickering more than he should of. But he was by Mikey now, so he was much more stable already. He'd almost completely forgotten what he'd dreamed of the night before. Because watching Brendon throw plastic sporks at Frank, and accidentally hitting Patrick as he walked in, was much more entertaining.  
\--

Mikey smiled as he sat next to Ray in the group room, grabbing his hand under the table, squeezing gently as he locked their fingerd together. "Hey, you. Missed you tons."

Ray smiled back, pressing a quick kiss to Mikey's forehead. "Missed you too, loser."

Brendon sat himself next to Mikey, leaning against his side. "I better get a wedding invitation."

Mikey and Ray both blushed deeply, looking at each other silently for a moment before immediately looking away again, more embarrassed than before if possible.

Brendon laughed, winking as he got up and sat between Patrick and Frank, who were watching American Dad, instead of the Food Network for once.

Mikey looked back to Ray, tilting his head slightly. "Do you think we'll get married?"

Ray shrugged. "I don't know. Every relationship has rhe opportunity to become something more, but honestly, I really don't think.."

Mikey just nodded. "Yeah. But I wouldn't mind if we did. I'd love to."

Ray just stared at him, eyes wide, but neither of them spoke for the rest of the break, just silently pressed into each other, holding hands


	21. My Confidence Is Leaving Me On My Own

During Quiet Time that day, Mikey went straight to Ray's room. He didn't even try to hide the fact he was going there, he just walked straight in and dropped down onto his bed, whining and making grabby hands up at Ray. He just wanted cuddles, dammit! Ray rolled his eyes at Mikey, but he laid with him, arms around him tightly, as if he felt Mikey would disappear otherwise. Mikey yawned softly against Ray's chest as he snuggled into him, smiling a little when he felt Ray pull the blankets up and over them both for more warmth. Mikey always seemed tired, the more he was here. And they didn't even do much here. Ray sighed, rubbing Mikey's lower back gently, then humming to him softly to help him fall asleep. It was very easy to get Mikey to fall asleep if you knew how to relax him, Ray thought to himself as he nuzzled into Mikeys hair. Mikey let out a soft sigh as he fell asleep, only proving Rays point. Ray liked watchung Mikey sleep, in the most non-creepy way possible. He just looked so peaceful, and happy. Happy to be unconsciojs and not remember he was in this hell.

Ray was really tired too, if he was going to be honest. But he was terrified to have those nightmares again, he wasn't sure what he'd do if he woke Mikey up with that stuff.. He sighed shakily, closing his eyes anyway, just trying to relax. He ended up falling asleep.

Surprisingly, Ray slept rather soundly, holding Mikey close to his chest.  
\--

Mikey woke up first, yawning and nuzzling Ray gently. He was just really sleepy still, but he wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, since all the patients' rooms didn't have clocks in them. He wanted to go back to sleep really badly, but Ray was with him. And Ray was warm, he wanted to be awake to feel how warm he was, if that made any sense. Actually, yeah, it did.

Mikey pulled back slightly so he could see Ray. Really, he was gorgeous, in Mikey's opinion. His hair was definitely something, but Mikey loved the way it looked. His eyes were absolutely beautiful as well, and Mikey couldn't help but stare into them when he had the chancd. Ray was kind of pale, but not as light as Mikey, but he was perfect anyways. Everything about him. Mikey sighed, reachint a hand up to gently cup Ray's cheek, smiling a little at him. He kissed the tip of his nose, smiling wider when he heard the soft sound Ray made in response. He was too fucking cute.

Slowly, Ray began waking up, blinking slowly as he saw Mikey, smiling a little and pulling him into a kiss.

That was when Frank threw a pencil at them from the hallway.

"Get up, losers! Therapy time!"

Patrick giggled from beside him, shaking his head.  
\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/30/16 EDIT: Got rid of something, and just cut the day short. Doesn't matter, not much actually happened in what I cut out.


	22. It's Your Fucking Nightmare

Mikey insisted that he slept with Ray that night. He could tell something was wrong, that Ray wasn't telling him something. But he just said he was feeling really lonely, and wanted someone to cuddle with really badly. That wasn't wrong, he did love cuddles and always craved them, but he wanted to make sure his Ray was okay. Ray definitely didn't object to cuddles, especially since he hated knowing that Mikey was upset, so of course he told Mikey he could sleep with him.

Mikey sighed in content as he curled into Ray, closing his eyes, trying his best not to fall asleep. He couldn't sleep, he just-- He heard Ray start humming to him, gently rubbing his back and sides, and he instantly began feeling sleepy. He knew Ray was doing this because Mikey'd said he was feeling lonely, and must've wanted physical affection. Mikey really appreciated it, but he was here on a mission, dammit! He sighed again as he slowly fell asleep anyways, Ray smiling when he saw him finally relax as he fell asleep. He kissed the top of his head, closing his eyes and allowing himself to fall asleep as well.  
\--

Mikey had no idea what time it was when he woke up, but he woke up in a panic. Someone was crying, and-- Ray. Mikey forced himself to wake up faster, sitting up as he looked down at Ray silently in confusion and worry. He knew something was wrong. This had to be reocurring. Mikey frowned, not really sure what to do. He knew Gerard got night terrors, but he wasn't sure if this was the same thing, because Gerard reacted differently. He didn't cry so much as scream and beg for his family/friends to be able to live, and move around a lot. He did stuff like that. Ray was just sobbing rather violently and squirming around.

"Ray," Mikey whispered out as loud as he dared. He saw Ray tense up a little before relaxing again, his mind almost registering the familiar voice. Almost.

"/Ray!/" Mikey whisper shouted, grabbing at Ray's arm and shaking him, trying to wake him up, not knowing what else to do. How could he have known. He'd only seen Gerard having his terrors once, and Mikey had gotten scared and ran off to get their mother. He was pulled from his panicked, racing thoughts when he saw Ray start waking up. From what, he didn't know or care, he was just happy to see him. Mikey practically started crying as he drolpped back down and pulled Ray into a tight hug, holding him even tighter when he felt Ray's trembles and heard his shaky breaths.

"M-Mikey.." Ray whimpered out, both embarrassed and terrified. That nightmare was just.. So vivid... It hurt his heart to think about.. Mikey being killed.. Again.. 

Mikey shushed him, running his fingers through his hair to try and calm him down some, even a little. It did seem to help a little, which Ray was grateful for, but he was still just.. Really shaken, to say the least. He shivered, trying not to start crying again, holding Mikey tighter and pressing his face into his chest, hoping his very familiar scent would calm him down. Just being near Mikey always helped, and really, it was helping now, too. Mikey just wished he knew what to do in a situation like this. He'd call Gerard and ask tomorrow.

"It'll be okay, Rayray, I promise.." Mikey whispered softly as he pushed his fingers through Ray's curms repeatedly in a slow, soothing motion, his other hand around his middle to hold him close. "It was just a bad dream, dreams aren't real.. It's all in your mind, just an illusion, not real life.. Whatever it was didn't happen, and it never will.. Its okay, it's okay, it's okay.. Just close your eyes and try to breathe slow for me, okay?"

He just did what Gerard djd for him when he had anxiety attacks. It seemed to be working, because Ray was slowly starting to stabilize again. He mumbled something incoherently before he fell back asleep in Mikey's hold.

Mikey stayed up the rest of the night, petting and rubbing Ray gently to keep him as happy and safe as he could.


	23. Promise Me You'll Never Feel Afraid

When Mikey woke up the next morning, Ray wasn't there. The bathroom door was open, so he knew he wasn't there. Mikey frowned. He got out of bed, going to his own room so he could change clothes and head to eat breakfast. Ray wasn't there either. Mikey sighed, but didn't say anything about it to Brendon, who was there.

Brendon looked up at Mikey, smiling. "Hey, loser! Haven't seen you in a few hours."

Mikey rolled his eyes and sat next to Brendon, glaring at the stupid decaf coffee before he picked it up and started sipping at it anways. "Shut it."

"Don't be so bitter, you bombed that damn shit with sugar and shit."

Mikey snorted.

"You did!"

"Point being?"

"Be sweeter!"

"No."

"Aren't you just a ray of sunshine?" Brendon laughed, and Mikey rolled his eyes.

That's when Patrick decided to walk in with Ryan, both of them yawning softly. 

"'Morning," Patrick whispered out, still getting used to his voice. But he was making progress, and Ryan and Brendon smiled encouragingly at him.

Ryan gave Patrick a side hug as they sat down together, Patrick and Mikey's other side and Ryan at Brendon's.

"Frank's skippin' out on eating breakfast," Ryan said as he shoved his plastic spork into one of his pancskes. They could only have plastic utensils here. "Said he wasn't feeling too well and didn't wanna eat to make it worse."

Patrick nodded. "Okay."

Brendon shrugged. "Alright."

Mikey frowned a little, but didn't say anything. He didn't wanna sound mean, but he'd rather know where Ray is. 

"I-.. Um... Have you seen Ray..?"

Ryan tensed up a little, looking downwards to hide his eyes behind his bangs. "No, sorry."

Mikey could tell he was lying, but didn't say anything. "Okay."

Ryan sighed.  
\--

Ray wasn't at their first therapy session either, and it seemed only Ryan knew his whereabouts. Not even Frank knew, and he somehow knew everything.

Brendon and Patrick sat with Mikey so he wouldn't feel too lonely. Mikey was starting to really like Brendon, he was really sweet, and funny as shit, too. It was a good thing they both were friends with Patrick. Ryan and Frank were a little left out, but they just ended up sitting together anyway.  
\--

Ray came back during lunch. He looked really upset, and looked like he'd seen a ghost. No one tried talking to him though, he didn't look like he wanted to be bothered. He just silently sat with Mikey as Mikey talked with Brendon.

"Dude, no way Synyster is gay for Zacky!"

Brendon rolled his eyes. "The Rev.'s too weird for him!"

Ryan shook his head, sighing. Those two talked about the weirdest things, today's discussion on Synacky VS Brimmy. Mikey was standing by Brimmy with his entire existence.

Well, he was losing this, because, y'know, The Rev. is dead.

Patrick giggled when he realized this as well. "Keep dreamin,' Mikey."

Mikey pouted. "You guys will see the light one day, go fuck yourselves."


	24. Blowing Up The Sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I've been getting slow with my updates!! I'm writing alone, and I don't have anyone reading over and editting for me, so I'm kinda stranded here. But I promise I'll try and do better! And I'm also sorry these are all so short, I'm writing on my phone and things ughhhh.

Mikey really did want to ask Ray where he'd been for the first half of the day. But he also didn't. Because it wasn't any of his business, and if Ray wanted to tell him, he would. But he couldn't help but be curious and concerned, you couldn't really blame him, could you?

Mikey sighed, pressing into Ray's side. They had about an hour until therapy, and if Mikey was honest, Ray looked like he was on the verge of starting to cry. But still, Mikey didn't ask, no matter how bad he wanted to. He looked up at him, catching his gaze and smiling sweetly, hoping that'd help, somehow. Ray smiled back, visibly relaxing from that. He wrapped an arm around Mikey's side, holding him close, sighing softly. Mikey was very okay with this, making a soft sound of approval and closing his eyes as he laid his head onto Ray's shoulder, nuzzling his neck lightly.

One of the nurses walking by frowned when she saw them, stopping in her tracks to see if they'd make any move to pull away from each other. She frowned more. "You two, no physical contact! It's against the rules here for your safety."

Mikey immediately pulled away from Ray, his face bright red. But not only did he leave his side, he went to the back of the room, where he couldn't be seen by anyone walking by, and where he'd be alone. He felt like complete shit now, and immediately dug up all the ways to kill himself that he'd thought before. It was a little overdramatic, yes, but Mikey was barely 14, and was extremely depressed and unstable, the smallest things set him off. It wasn't his fault something was wrong.

Ray frowned when he saw Mikey rush off, but at least he knew he was in the same room as him, not leaving to do anything stupid. Mikey hadn't told Ray he was thinking up ways to kill himself before, because of course he would of worried. But still, Ray knew how Mikey had gotten here in the first place, and was /always/ afraid of that happening again, even here. He turned to glare at the nurse, who just seemed rather pleased with herself as she walked off to go do whatever it is she was going to anyway.

Patrick and Brendon had seen this, and just stared between Ray and Mikey. They all knew it was bound to happen at some point, even Mikey knew, but why did it have to happen while Ray and Mikey were both upset? Brendon sighed, looking to Patrick now.

"I'll get Mikey, you do Ray."

Patrick nodded, and got up and rushed over to Ray, notebook clutched to his chest, still not able to fully use his voice.

Brendon pushed his glasses up and made his way over to Mikey, sitting next to him silently, not even looking at him. He wasn't too sure what made him uncomfortable and what didn't yet, but he wanted to play it safe. Biting his lip, Brendon glanced over at Mikey. Mikey had his knees pulled to his chest, arms around them tightly, his face pressed into his knees, probably shaking a little. Brendon didn't blame him.

"Hey."

Mikey looked up, staring at Brendon a moment, trying to search in his eyes for a reason as to why he was here. But sadly, Mikey did not have the ability to read minds via eyes.

"Hi.."

"It'll be okay, Mikey. I promise."

"No."

Brendon frowned. "Mikey.."

"I don't care."

"Well, you should."

"Why?"

Brendon just shrugged. He knew he was starting to sound like their therapists, and it even pissed /him/ off. "It's better than being dead."

Mikey snorted, looking away. "Debatable. Nothing bad happens if you're dead."

Brendon nodded. "True. I won't deny you that, little dude."

"I'm older than you!"

Brendon giggled. "Whatever."

Mikey grinned at Brendon, and Brendin was very pleased with himself to see he'd gotten Mikey feeling at least a little better. He pulled him into a hug, which Mikey was grateful for as he hugged back.

Brendon glanced over at Ray and Patrick, to see if they were making the some progress.

They weren't.  
\--

It was about a half hour before visiting hours, that Ray took Mikey into the hall. They sat next to each other, but not close enough to touch.

"Ray? What's wrong?" Mikey asked softly, almost not wanting to hear. Clearly, it couldn't be anything good if it was bothering Ray so much.

Ray sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking away. He really didn't want to say this, but he knew he had to. "My doctor's getting me on some anti-depressants, and my case therapist wants me to switch hospitals in a few days. She said the in-patient program here isn't doing any good for me. She's gonna talk to my mom tonight instead of letting her see me. If my mom agrees, the'yre gonna put me in Residential after I'm discharged from there."

Whatever Residential was, Mikey didn't like the sound of it. But the idea of Ray leaving him so soon wasn't pleasing at all. He stared at Ray silently, his eyes wide and quickly filling with tears. He tried to blink them away, but it just made them fall. He looked away, hugging himself tightly.

"Okay.."

Ray really wanted to fucking kill himself when he saw the look on Mikey's face.  
\--

Mikey was sitting directly on Gerard's lap. Not that that was unusual for him, but he was very happy to be sitting there. He even had coffee. Sitting on Gerard and coffee was a good time, indeed. Mikey sighed softly as he pressed into Gerard, closing his eyes as he sipped at his coffee and listened to Gee talk to Frank about some weird thing he was working on. Breakfast Monkey, was it called? Mikey didn't know, it was weird.

Mikey opened his eyes, shifting a little to look at Gerard. Gerard looked at Mikey, smiling at him sweetly before looking back to Frank to actually hear what he was saying. He was listening in the first place, but Mikey made it hard to pay attention to other people. In a good way, he loved Mikey to death. Mikey kissed Gerard's cheek before squirming off of his lap to sit next to Ray, smiling a little when Gerard turned to watch him, see where he went. Gerard knew he'd made Mikey feel like shit when he ignored his leaving last time, and that was the last thing he wanted. And Frank understood that, to an extent, so he didn't mind whenever Gerard was looking towards Mikey. Mikey really appreciated it, because it made him feel wanted.

Mikey looked up at Ray, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly.

"I don't want you to leave."

Ray just nodded silently. When he saw his mom come in, he pulled his hand away from Mikey reluctantly to go talk to her.

Mikey frowned, but got up and went over to Patrick and Joe.

"Hey, guys."

Patrick smiled.

"Hey."Joe shrugged.

"What's up?"

Joe shrugged again. "I hate it here, and I don't even stay here."

Mikey and Patrick both snorted.

"Welcome to the club."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

Mikey rolled his eyes, looking to Patrick, pointing to his notebook silently. Patrick immediately pushed it towards him, with his pen, figuring out immediately Mikey wanted to talk without forcing Patrick to leave Joe.

Patrick paled when he saw what Mikey had asked.

'What's Residential?'

He sighed shakily, but began quickly writing a responce, glancing up at Joe occasionally to pay attention to what he was saying. It was about Pete's already stupid antics. Patrick pushed the notebook back to Mikey.

'Residential is like a therapy boarding school. You go there for months at a time, living there with a bunch of other kids. It's like in-patient, only no hospital. No one can visit you, and you have no contact with anyone outside the place. The closest one is in New York. It's only for the people in a deep crisis situation who absolutely cannot be anywhere near their family for any reason, so most people that come here don't go. But there's still the unlucky few.'


	25. We're Falling Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in the ER today and got extremely vivid flashbacks to in-patient so writing about that hell will be fun.

The next day, Mikey skipped breakfast. It was normal for people not to eat in the morning though. If Mikey was going to be completely honest, he felt extremely sick to his stomach. Whether it was actuamly being sick or just worrying about Ray so much, he didn't know. But he knew eating wouldn't help him. He felt like if he got out of bed he'd puke all over the damn floor.

Which, is exactly what happened when one of the nurses came to force him to go to therapy. Needless to say, Mikey didn't do to therapy. They told him to stay in his bathroom in case he needed to throw up more, and he sure as hell did, to the point where he was pretty sure it was only acid.

They had a doctor come in to take Mikey's vital signs again. They did it every morning, but they were doing it again now that they saw Mikey ill. He had a high fever, 109°F. Which of course meant he had to be taken from the in-patient wing back to the E.R. so they could make sure he didn't die, or something. Mikey didn't care. He felt like he was going to puke again, and his vision was swimming. He felt like his entire body was melting in a pool of ice, if that made sense. Well, nothing was making sense to him right now. He puked again before promptly passing out.  
\--

Their therapist for the time being was told of what was going on with Mikey, so he was allowed to just start without the session without Mikey there. But of course, everyone stared at the therapist expectantly.

"Where's Mikey?" Brendon asked.

"Is he okay?" Patrick asked softly.

Ray remained silent. He was somehow finding a way to blame himself for this, whatever it was. They'd only seen a very pale Mikey looking like absolute death before the door to the group room was shut. 

Their therapist sighed, knowing they wouldn't get anything done today if he didn't tell them. "Mikey's very ill. He's got a high fever, and he's been puking a lot before blacking out. He won't be participating in any activities or therapy sessions today, he'll be staying in the Emergency Room until his body tempature has regulated--"

Brendon immediately jumped out of his seat. "Dude! What the /fuck?!/ When can we see him?!"

The therapist scowled at Brendon. "Sit /down,/ Brendon, and don't swear. I haven't been told if you are able to see him or not, but I doubt you want to see him in his current state."

Brendon huffed as he sat down,crossing his arms and kicking at the leg of the table. "I wanna see Mikey."

Ray frowned, hugging himself loosely, not really sure what to make of this. He knew this couldn't have been his fault, he wasn't sick so he couldn't have gotten Mikey sick. This calmed him down some. But still... He sighed.  
\--

At lunch today, everyone was pretty much silent. Ray and Patrick still left an empty seat between them out of habit, but it just made everyone feel worse about everything. It reminded them he wasn't there.

Ray looked like he was going to cry, in Frank's opinion. It was heartbreaking, he never wanted to see anybody look like that for any reason again. He sighed, himself, looking down at his lap. He wasn't very hungry anymore.

Patrick and Ryan hadn't even eaten at all.

You'd think Mikey died from the way they were acting. But with fevers that high, you never know.  
\--

They didn't see Mikey for three days. Three days of Ray hating himself. Three days of Patrick crying almost constantly. Three days of Ryan trying to keep Brendon from crying too. Really, you'd think Mikey fucking /died./

It felt like it.

They saw Mikey again during lunch. He was led in by one of the day nurses then left him.

Everyone stared at him like he was a ghost.

He was paler than usual. He looked very thin, like when he'd first arrived there. His eyes sunken in. 

Maybe he was a ghost, he felt like it.

Mikey was shaking as he sat down between Ray and Patrick, refusing to look up and talk to anyone. But honestly, no one cared, they were just extremely grateful to have Mikey back.

Patrick hugged him tightly, and Mikey hugged back.

Brendon started crying.

Ryan wouldn't admit it, but he teared up a little, too.

Frank hugged Mikey from behind.

Ray waited until Patrick and Frank let go of Mikey before hugging him, and Mikey seemed rather eager to cling onto Ray, though staying silent. But no one tried to make him talk.

But,

"I missed you so much," Ray whispered out as he kissed the top of Mikey's head. "I love you.."

Mikey looked up at Ray silently, but the look on his face showed response enough. He kissed Ray's cheek, grabbing one of his hands and holding it under the table.

Everyone seemed generally happier now that Mikey was back. The state he was in was questionable, but he was back. Surely, it was just from the fever, since he /was/ throwing up a lot and definitely didn't want to eat just to puke it up again.  
'-

Mikey didn't speak until free time before visiting hours.

"Ray?" He whispered softly, looking at up at him.

"Yeah?"

"I got sick.."

"Hey, I know, they told us."

"Oh.."

Ray frowned, giving Mikey a quick hug. He didn't want them to get yelled at again, but they still held hands under the table.

"We wanted to make sure you were okay."

Mikey smiled a little at that, gently squeezing Ray's hand. "Okay. Hey, um.. Do you gotta go to the other hospital and Residential?"

Ray shrugged. "My case therapist talked to my mom about it and she said it was up to me, and I told her I didn't want to, and she said she'd think about it."

"Oh."

"I'm not leaving you even if it kills me, Mikey."


	26. Our Feelings Unsure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the food network is the ongoing joke

Mikey skipped breakfast the next day again. He wasn't feeling sick again, he was actually feeling a lot better physically, but he was still destroyed mentally. There was still the threat of Ray leaving him, the others could he discharged at any time, and Gerard looked like his own mental state was dropping too. If Gerard was losing his mind, so was Mikey.

After a rather long shower, Mikey left his room to go to the group room. Everyone except Brendon was there, must've still been asleep. Mikey sat with Ray and Frank, holding Ray's hand tightly under the table, not wanting to risk more.

"Hey, Frankie?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's Brendon?"

"With his doctor and therapist."

"Why?"

"Dunno. Maybe they want him on meds."

Mikey nodded a little, not noticing the look on Ray's face. Ray knew Frank was lying to Mikey, not to upset him. But Ray didn't want to tell him either, so he stayed quiet. Mikey sighed, closing his eyes as he pressed into Ray's side as much as he figured he could get away with.

"Are you feeling okay?" Ray asked softly, laying his head on top of Mikey's. "You weren't at breakfast today."

Mikey nodded a little, not wanting Ray to move. "Yeah. Just woke up late and wasn't hungry. Then I took a shower to stall more."

Ray laughed a little, squeezing Mikey's hand gently. "You're weird."

Mikey nodded again. "Mhmm.."  
\--

Brendon came back during lunch, and he didn't look scarred for life, so that was good. He sat next to Ryan and Frank as usual, Mikey across from him.

"Hey, B." Ryan greeted softly, poking Brendon. "Long time no see."

Brendon rolled his eyes. "I was planning your demise, Ryan."

Mikey grinned. "About time."

Patrick smacked Mikey's arm. "Be nice!"

Ray snorted. "You be nice, don't hit him."

Frank just threw his spork at Ray, laughing his ass off when it got caught in his hair.  
\--

Frank put the Food Network on again. Really, why did he always put it on? No one knew why, it was strange. Frank was strange anyway 

Mikey and Ray were cuddling in the back, Ray occasionally kissing at Mikey's jaw, cheeks, and forehead. The bruises on Mikey's neck were starting to fade away, so that made them easier to hide. Not that everyone was actually looking, but Gerard and Frank always teased the hell out of them for it. 

Ray gently rubbed Mikey's side, grabbing his chin and pulling him in for a kiss. Mikey kissed back immediately, making a small, little needy noise. He'd really been wanting to kiss Ray, but he didn't want to get him sick or something. Clearly, Ray didn't care, he just wanted to kiss his Mikey. He needed him more than he wanted to live.  
\--

At dinner, Brendon sat with Mikey and Ray, instead of with Frank and Ryan. Patrick sat with them. It was a little weird, but they were all friends, so it didn't matter.

Brendon leaned against Mikey, laying his head on his shoulder.

"I'm getting discharged tonight," Brendon said with a smile.

Mikey wanted to cry, and Frank immediately felt like shit for not telling Mikey the truth.  
\--

Mikey refused to leave Brendon's side the rest of the day, wanting to still appreciate being with him while he still could. No one tried seperating them, they knew that they were really good friends.

Even during visiting hours, when Brendon was scheduled to leave, Mikey refused to leave his side. Gerard was a little confused, but Frank told him Brendon was discharging, and Mikey and him were really good friends. Gerard just nodded, sighing as he tugged Frank down to sit on his lap, nuzzling into his neck, muttering out incoherent things to him.

Mikey was full on sobbing when Brendon left, after giving everyone his phone number, and it was so bad that Gerard and Ray couldn't even calm him down again. But they ended up with Mikey sitting on Gerard's lap now, but his face pressed into Ray's chest, Ray holding both of his hands, Gerard whispering random things to Mikey to help him calm down.

Ryan, Frank, and Patrick were feeling really bad, but there wasn't anything they could do.


	27. So Have You Figured It Out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming to an end soon! Mainly because I don't wanna write out every single little day.. Please don't kill me? But don't worry, I'll still be here on AO3 to write shit. Give me ideas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything seemed really off without Brendon. It all felt wrong. It was affecting Mikey and Ryan most. They were more silent than usual. But it made Mikey begin wondering how long the others had been here, and how long the usual stay was. So he asked Frank.

Frank shrugged. "I've been here for almost a month, and I've heard of people staying up to three months."

Mikey frowned. "Oh. Ryan..?"

"About a week." Ryan shrugged, too.

"Patrick?"

Patrick held up three fingers. Obviously meaning three weeks, not three days.

And Mikey knew Ray'd been here around the same length of time as himself. Well, Frank would be leaving at any time, then. But still, new people could always end up coming. He really didn't want that, he hated knowing that people came here for-..

Mikey just sighed, curling himself into Ray's side, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.

Ray smiled a little, kissing the top of Mikey's head. "Hey, pretty... I'm staying."  
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

 

 

 

 

It'd been almost two months. Two months at that hospital hell. But two months of being with Ray, two months of calling Pete and Brendon on the phone randomly to talk to them. Apparently, they were at the out-patient program. Mikey's therapist said he'd be going there after he was discharged. Out-patient, Mikey learned, was a therapy day school that was from 9am to 3:30pm. You went there instead of normal school, but you were discharged from there after two months and you went back to normal school. That was that.

It didn't sound very fun, but at least you were allowed to go home to your own house every night. Mikey appreciated that a lot.

Within these two months, Frank ended up leaving, much to Gerard's excitement. Ryan and Patrick ended up becoming friends, with their primary friends gone. Some weird scene kid named Ashley ended up coming for four days before he left. Ray's night terrors had begun going away. Ray and Mikey grew much closer, but they were able to go without being caught. Surprisingly. Ray had managed to convince Mikey to get on anti-depressants, in a liquid form. They were helping him considerably, but no one mentioned it, because they knew Mikey was unhappy with the fact he needed medication to naturally be happy. But, y'know, Ray was a contributing factor to Mikey's overall recovery, as was Mikey to Ray's.  
\--

Mikey leaned against Gerard, though stared directly at Ray. They were sharing a coffee, because this was wasn't a coffee rehab and Mikey needed caffine, and Ray didn't mind any now and then.

"Gee?" Mikey asked softly, tearing his gaze away from Ray to look at his brother.

Gerard grinned, giving Mikey a gentle squeeze, as he had an arm around him. He was very happy to see Mikey was recovering from his anorexia, and he'd told him so the previous night. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you too."

Mikey smiled, kissing Gerard's cheek before he took his coffee from Ray, who pouted.

"It's /mine,/ meanie!" Mikey laughed, Ray rolling his eyes.

"You're sharing!"

"Yeah, /sharing./"

Ray pouted again, Mikey giggling and tugging him into a kiss. Gerard thought those two were just the sweetest little things together, and he really hoped that Ray lived nearby so they could see each other again. Mikey would be miserable without him. Gerard smiled as he saw them pull away, ruffling Mikey's hair.

"Adorable."

"Fuck off, Gee."

"Ouch."

Mikey rolled his eyes.

Gerard poked Ray, grinning at him. "Princess 'Fro." Ray groaned at the nickname Gerard had given him a few days earlier. "You better be treating my baby brother right."

Ray huffed. "I /am,/ Gerard. I wouldn"t hurt him even if he asked me to!"

Mikey giggled, winking at Ray, causing him to blush deeply. Gerard snorted.

"Weirdos."

"Gee, I've seen the stuff in your dresser drawers."

.............

"I'll pay you $50 to not tell mom."

Ray's eyes widened a little, but he expected no less from those two, they were really weird, and weirdly close, but whatever.

"How about $50, Starbucks, a RingPop, and condoms?"

"Yeah, yeah whate-... Why do you need condoms?"

Mikey just grinned.


	28. They Took [It] For Granted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual themes implied near the end

When Mikey woke up the next day, something just felt really off. He didn't know what, or why, but something was just really.. Weird. He shook it off though, trying to get his mind on something else as he forced himself to take a shower. He alwags felt happier in the small area given for the shower, because nobody could see him and nobody was allowed to be near him. He still really liked being alone sometimes, because that's just what he was used to.

About a half hour later he forced himself out. He couldn't stay in forever, as much as he'd like to. He didn't really pay attention to what he pulled on, but it didn't really matter at this point, he didn't feel like.

That weird feeling kept nagging at him, though, as he went to go wait for Ray to wake up if he wasn't awake already. Turns out, he was still asleep.

Mikey whined, glancing around the hall before he rushed into Ray's room and got into bed with him, tugging at his hair a little. "Raaaay! Wake up!"

Ray groaned, shifting a little so he was facing away from Mikey. "Tired.."

"Ray! Get your ass up or I'll beat it!

Ray snorted, rolling his eyes as he sat up, yawning softly. "So mean to me.. Dunno why I talk to you."

Mikey grinned, sitting up immediately and moving to sit on Ray's lap, facing him. "You know you love me."

"That's debatable."

"Oh, go fuck yourself."

"If you really want me to.."

Mikey smacked Ray's arm, Ray laughing as he pushed Mikey off him gently. 

"Gotta leave so I can get dressed, fucker."

"Like I haven't seen you before."

"Yeah, but it'll be suspicious if we leave at the same time and stuff."

Mikey groaned, but nodded as he got off Ray. "Mmkay.. You owe me."

Ray just nodded, shaking his head and smiling as he saw Mikey head out to go eat. He really loved that boy, so much it hurt.  
\--

Ray'd decided to skip out on breakfast, he wasn't really hungry. When he walked into the group room, Mikey and Patrick were watching some random show on TV, and Ryan was working on that puzzle they all forgot a while ago.

Ray sat down next to Mikey, wrapping an arm around him and smiling when Mikey pressed into him.

Still though, Mikey was feeling that really weird feeling. He just hoped it would go away soon.  
\--

Ray was pulled out of the second hour therapy by some weird lady with really curly hair. Mikey figured that must have been his case therapist, and she was really creepy looking, even though she seemed pretty happy to be taking Ray away from Mikey. Well, she wasn't intending that, Mikey was sure, but still. No Ray meant sad Mikey.  
\--

Ray didn't come back until after lunch, and he looked kind of conflicted.

Mikey whined and made grabby hands up at Ray from where he was sitting, wanting to cuddle. Ray, of course, complied eagerly, sitting with Mikey and tugging him onto his lap and nuzzling into his neck silently. Mikey pressed into Ray, closing his eyes and sighing softly, holding onto him tightly.

"I love you, Ray." Mikey whispered out, kissing at the top of Ray's head gently. "All mine.. Forever and always.."

Ray cringed a little. Forever could only last until the next day.  
\--

During visiting hours, Ray was with his mom, who was also seeming very happy. Mikey wanted to go over with him, but he didn't want to bother him, or leave Gerard.

"Hey, Gee? How's Frankie doing?"

Gerard smiled. "He's doing alright. His mom seems really hesitant to let him hang out with me because I'm older than him, but hey, I'll take what I'm given. He's the weirdest dude I've ever met, I love him to death."

And Mikey couldn't help but smile. "You really like him, don't you, Gee?"

Gerard nodded with a small sigh.  
\--

That night, Ray insisted that Mikey slept with him, and he wouldn't tell him why. But he was always okay with cuddles.

About ten minutes into their cuddling, Ray kissed Mikey's forehead and grabbed his chin gently to make him look up at him.

Mikey smiled sweetly. "Hey."

Ray just sighed before kissing Mikey as hard as he could, wanting to remember how it felt for as long as he could. Mikey pulled back a few minutes later, tugging at Ray's shirt a little. Ray sighed again, nuzzling into Mikey's hair.

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

Mikey stared at Ray, his eyes wide, and his breathing hitched and became shakey. He knew it'd have to happen eventually, but he really didn't want it to. He never let himself think about it. "Ray-.." Ray forced him to be quiet by kissing him again, this time having moved their position so he was pinning Mikey down, running one of his hands up and down his sides. He wanted to make the best of their last night together.


	29. Goodbye [Agony]//Surely I'll Miss You

The next morning, when Mikey woke up, he was curled into Ray's chest, Ray's arms around him tightly. He wasn't sure if he was awake or not though. But he never wanted to leave this side, not once today. And he didn't care how many times he got yelled at doing so.

Mikey sighed softly, curling into Ray's bare chest more, kissing at it gently, smiling when he heard Ray mumble a little and hold Mikey tighter.

Ray started waking up around then, his grip on Mikey loosening a little as he stretched out instead, yawning, then curling into Mikey again.

"Morning, pretty.." He mumbled out, kissing the tip of Mikey's nose.

Mikey smiled up at Ray. He still didn't know why Ray'd decided to start calling him that, but he really liked it. "Hey.."

"I'm leaving after lunch.."

Mikey frowned. That was far too soon, but he really wanted Ray out of this damn hospital hell, too. But he supposed he should be happy. "Oh. Okay.."

Ray sighed, pulling Mikey in for a quick kiss. "It'll be okay, Mikey.. I promise, okay? I'll love you no matter what. Can you stay strong for me?"

"Are we still gonna see each other after I'm discharged..?"

"I-.. I don't know, if you want to."

"I do."  
\--

Mikey made it a point to never leave Ray's side at all. He even ended up wearing what he had on yesterday just so he didn't have to leave Ray at all. Mikey said he wasn't feeling hungry, but he still followed Ray to eat so they could be together.

Patrick and Ryan were already there when they got there, and Patrick smiled at Mikey as he sat next to him.

"Hey, Mikey."

"Hey.."

Patrick frowned, giving Mikey a side hug. "It's okay. You'll still have me and Ryan.."

Ryan wordlessly nodded.

Mikey just sighed, curling into Ray's side and trying not to start crying. Ray held Mikey tightly with one arm, kissing the top of his head occasionally. He wasn't afraid to be affectionate in that room, because no one could see them unless they walked in.

"Mikey.. We'll see each other soon, okay? We'll be going to the same out-patient program too," Ray whispered out softly, kissing Mikey's cheek, ignoring the soft 'aww's from Ryan and Patrick.

Mikey just nodded. "Okay.."  
\--

Mikey purposely skipped lunch that day. Even if it meant leaving Ray, he really wanted to be alone, he wasn't sure if he could handle it. But then, his case therapist came into his room. She seemed far too happy for Mikey's liking.

"Good afternoon, Michael!" She chirpped, ignoring Mikey's groan. "I was wondering if I could talk with you about being discharged?"

Mikey immediately looked up, his eyes wide. "Discharge..?"

The therapist nodded. "I've already spoken with your mother, she and your brother will be taking you home tonight during visiting hours."

Mikey could of started crying. He was could be with Ray as soon as tomorrow.  
\--

After lunch, Mikey was clinging onto Ray tightly, his face constantly nuzzled into his chest.

"Don't want you to go!" He whined up at Ray.

Ray frowned. He didn't want to leave Mikey either. "Hey, it's okay.. I swear. You'll get to leave soon, too."

"I'm leaving tonight.."

Ray smiled at that, hugging Mikey much tighter. "That's awesome! Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?"

Mikey nodded quickly, kissing Ray's cheek. "We can go to Starbucks, where the coffee doesn't make me cry."

"Hmm.. You taking me on a date, Mikey?"

Mikey giggled, poking Ray's cheek. "You're the one who asked if you wanted to do something."

Ray rolled his eyes. "Fair enough.. But.. Definitely. I'll give you my number so you can text me as soon as you can, okay?"

Mikey just pulled Ray into another kiss.  
\--

With Ray gone, Mikey felt empty. He did go to dinner, but he didn't eat. He didn't eat at all that day, he just wasn't hungry. Surely he'd be hungry tomorrow. He'd force himself to eat even if he wasn't, he didn't want to become anorexic again. He was happier now. He just still didn't want to admit it was the anti-depressants helping him.

Mikey sighed. He stared at the clock in the group room. Ten minutes until visiting hours, and he could get the fuck out of here. He sighed again leaning into Ryan's side. He was cuddling Ryan because he was really warm, and he made Mikey feel really happy for some reason. Ryan didn't mind though, he missed having someone to cuddle. When Mikey left he'd have Patrick though, he was something.

Mikey ran a hand through Ryan's messy hair. "I'm gonna miss you guys."

"Still don't know how you're getting discharged before us." Ryan shrugged, pressing up to Mikey's hand.

Patrick shrugged too. "I dunno. Guess his doctor just thought he was ready to go back. I think so too. You've gotten considerably better, Mikey, I'm proud of you."

"Me too!" Ryan smiled at Mikey.

Mikey smiled back, looking away. "I love you guys. Make sure you text me when you get out of here, okay? We've all gotta meet up sometime."

Ryan and Patrick nodded. "Agreed."  
\--

Mikey was almost crying when he got to leave. He was being carried by Gerard, who was following their mom out to the car.

"Mikey..?" Gerard asked softly as he set Mikey down in the back seat.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sleeping with you tonight."

"Okay, Gee."


	30. This Place Full Of Peace And Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That concludes our story of Rikey! Also hidden if u look rlly close and squint: Joetrick, Ryden, Frerard. Thanks for dealing with my shit for so long!

Mikey was going to start going to out-patient the following Monday. It was only Friday, so he didn't have /that/ much to worry about. At least he was going to know people that were already there, so he wouldn't be completely alone and forced to make new friends. That was good, he supposed.

It felt strange to wake up in his own house, though. Not greeted by ugly beige walls. Instead by his brother's poster and random shit filled basement, since they slept together that night. Mikey was pretty sure it was because Gerard wanted to make sure Mikey didn't try to kill himself again. But he didn't mind, he missed being with Gerard.

Mikey yawned as he stretched and forced himself to get out of bed. Gerard was still asleep, of course. First priority, Mikey decided, was shower to get rid of the hospital smell he was sure he had. He hated it and never wanted to remember it.  
\--

It was also weird to see his own room. He sat on this bed, towel drying his hair as he looked around. He knew it was his own room, and nothing had changed, but it felt like it didn't even belong to him anymore, he'd been away for so long.

Mikey just sighed, adjusting his shirt before pulling on the hoodie next to him. He was pretty sure it was Gerard's, but it didn't matter, they shared clothes a lot. 

Oddly enough, Mikey's phone wasn't where he last saw it before he tried to kill himself. The charger was there, in the outlet next to his bed, but his phone wasn't. He'd left it on his bedside table, he remembered. He whined a little to himself. He had all the scribbled phone numbers of his in-patient friends, and he wanted to talk to them, dammit!

Sighing, and leaving his room, he headed to the kitchen, hoping to find his mom and ask for his phone. If anyone had it, it was probably her. Luckily, she was there.

"Mom..?" Mikey asked softly, hugging himself tightly.

She glanced up and over at Mikey, smiling. "Yes, dear?"

"D'you have my phone?"

"I-.. Yes, why?"

"I want it."

His mother just frowned.

Mikey sighed sadly, looking downwards. Well, he'd just have to wait until out-patient on Monday, then. He was just really excited to see Ray outside of that hell--

"Well... Alright. It's in my room, you can go get it."

Mikey immediately ran off.  
\--

Mikey sat on Gerard's bed, leaning against Gee, rapidly texting Ray. He did add in everyone else's phone numbers, but he was talking to Ray right now.

[Ray: sooooo...]

[Mikey: i can ask g if he can take me to the starbucks by here so we can meet up]

[Ray: yeahhh sure]

[Mikey: kk hold on]

Mikey looked over at Gerard, poking him. "Gee. Can you take me to Starbucks?"

Gerard shrugged. "Sure. When?"

"Um... Half hour?"

"Okay."

Mikey grinned, giving Gerard a quick hug before going back to his phone.

[Mikey: yea g said okay]

[Ray: awesome! when we going?]

[Mikey: im leaving in 30min]

[Ray: okay see you there ;)]

Mikey giggled to himself, locking his phone and shoving it in his hoodie pocket, curling himself closer into Gerard, trying to calm himself down. He couldn't help how excited he was.  
\--

Ray got to the Starbucks first. He was sitting as close to the door as he could, so Mikey'd know where he was. Not that the whole place was crowded with people, but he knew Mikey's anxiety still fucked him up sometimes.

He didn't have to wait long, because Mikey got there shortly after. He smiled when he saw Mikey getting out of Gerard's car, but looked away when he started practically running up.

Mikey grinned when he saw Ray as he walked in, immediately going over to him and sitting across from him.

"Hey, pretty. Fancy seeing you here."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, had no idea you were coming."

"Things all happen for a reason, my dear Raymond."

Ray just smiled.

And Mikey smiled back. Sometimes, you need to fall apart before you come back together stronger than before.


End file.
